Beware comedians bearing gifts. Steven Colbert has offered to give the South Carolina GOP the $500,000 it needs to hold the state's primary, but he wants naming rights to the race. “We would finally raise democracy to the same level as the Tostitos™ Fiesta Bowl and Kardashian™ weddings,” he wrote in an op-ed in The State. Colbert had earlier offered to pay $400,000 in exchange for naming rights and the inclusion of a nonbinding referendum on the ballot asking voters whether corporations are people or “only people are people.” The GOP apparently heard him out before turning him down, and Colbert worked with South Carolina Democrats to get the referendum on the ballot. But he still wants naming rights, purchased through his Colbert Super PAC, and he's willing to pay $500,000 for them.