KINKY

Eight High-Tech Sex Toys for Valentine’s Day

From masturbatory sleeves to Bluetooth-controlled vibrators, the most innovative toys to try on Valentine’s Day.

We all know Valentine’s Day is supposed to be the sexiest, kinkiest day of the year. Even the ancient Romans, as a precursor to the holiday, used to chase young maidens through the streets and whip their heart-shaped bottoms with goatskins. That was then, this is now, and we’ll probably get more roses and heart-shaped doilies than panty-dropping hanky-panky. But that doesn’t mean you can’t try to heat things up with a sex toy or three, whether you’re single or betrothed. From masturbatory sleeves to wireless vibrators, the most innovative toys to try this year.

Courtesy of Tenga LLC

Tenga

Penetrable sex toys for men have come a long way from synthetic vaginas—or “pocket pussies,” as they are more commonly referred to by teenage boys. Thanks to several innovative companies, today’s masturbatory sleeves are sleeker, more high-tech, and, well, less creepy. To wit: Tenga’s Original Vacuum Cup, a pop-art version of the brand’s signature “egg” and “cup” toys. When I first came across the Vacuum Cup, which promises “an amazing suction experience,” I pushed a few free samples on a couple of male friends to see if it lived up to its hype. Sure enough, one friend described the inside as “fleshy and tight,” admitting the experience “didn’t last long” because it was such a snug fit. Another gave it similarly rave reviews, despite initially scoffing at the satisfaction of penetrating an amorphous hole. The company says it doesn’t design its products to look or feel like the inside of a vagina, but these revolutionary sex toys are a lot more promising than the pathetic imitations of the real thing.

Courtesy of We-Vibe

We-Vibe II

One hundred dollars may seem like an exorbitant amount of money to spend on a vibrator, but ladies, this is no ordinary dildo. Thanks to its singular shape and silky texture, the “G” end slips easily inside you to stimulate the elusive G spot, while the “C” end lays flush against your clitoris. You can play around with all nine types of vibrations on your own for hours on end, or you can slip it in during sex (there’s plenty of room for him in there, too). Just try not to disturb the neighbors, wake the baby, scare the dog, etc.

Courtesy of Bedroom Kandi

Kandi-Kisses

Because sometimes you don’t feel like lugging a large rubber phallus around in your purse, let alone run the risk of it falling out in public. This USB-rechargeable “lipstick” vibrator designed by Kandi Burruss of The Real Housewives of Atlanta fame is considerably more portable and discreet.

Courtesy of Lelo

Yva

Nothing says “I love you” like a 24-karat-gold-plated vibrator. Sure, it costs more than an engagement ring, but this baby (you might find yourself calling it that) is like the Aston Martin of vibrators—the kind of sex toy James Bond would pull out of his pocket for the right leading lady. Its five stimulation modes are bound to shake you to the core.

Courtesy of OhMiBod

Club Vibe 2.OH

This wireless vibrator gives foreplay a whole new meaning. Seriously, thanks to this technologically advanced thingamajig, you can have multiple orgasms while your lover’s in a different room, stimulating you via remote control. The device attaches to a custom black lace thong, so no one will know you’re wearing it. (Just don’t let them see your O face.) It's also the only music-driven remote-control vibe on the market and pulses to the rhythm of whatever beats are playing in the background. We can’t think of a better way to pass the time at a snoozy cocktail party.

Courtesy of Doc Johnson

Doc Johnson’s Reflections

What more can you ask for than an affordable, waterproof glass vibrator named Joy? It’s pretty, spells happiness, comes with three speeds, and changes temperature easily. Microwave it, put it in the freezer—just don’t drop it on the kitchen floor.

Courtesy of Lelo

Lyla 2

Consider this the premium version of the Club Vibe. Also wireless and remote controlled, the Lyla 2 operates at up to three times a greater distance than any other device on the market. Hard and soft limits not included.

Courtesy of Doc Johnson

Double Bubble

Were it not for the rather explicit product description, someone could easily mistake this iridescent butt plug for a paperweight (note to user: don’t leave it on your desk). The smallish tip is perfect for novices.