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The Real Jersey Dictionary, Vol. 2

From “T-shirt time” to “doublebagger” to “kookah,” Snooki and The Situation are secretly linguistic geniuses. Get schooled in Garden State vocab before tonight’s Season Two finale.

From " T-shirt time" to " doublebagger" to " kookah," Snooki and The Situation are secretly linguistic geniuses. Get schooled in Garden State vocab before tonight's Season Two finale. Plus, check out Volume 1 for definitions to " beat the beat," " smush," and more.

b.e.d. ( n.)— a nightclub in Miami, Florida, which stands for "beverage.entertainment.dining" ( see also, Klutch, Space)

The cast of Jersey Shore loves few things more than a three-letter acronym (i.e. "GTL, baby!"). It's no wonder then, that during one of their first nights in the MIA (not the rapper or the airport, but rather, the city of Miami, where season two took place), Snooki, JWoww, Sammi, The Situation (aka Mike), Pauly D, Vinny, Angelina, and Ronnie made their way to this hot spot. But what happens at b.e.d., doesn't necessarily remain under the covers—as Sammi soon discovered thanks to a not-so-anonymous, but incredibly infamous note.

Example: "The first night at b.e.d., when you left, Ron made out with 2 girls and put his head in between a cocktail waitresses breasts." — The Note

big sense of humor ( n.)—a large quantity of the ability to laugh and/or to make another laugh. Also, an important quality in a juice head and/or gorilla. ( see also, frolic)

While bored at her place of work, Lecca Lecca Gelato Caffe, Snooki decided to come up with a checklist of her "idea" (as JWoww says) characteristics in a man. Of the approximately 20 qualities—which ran the gamut from the physical ("tan") to the culinary ("likes pickles")—one of her most meaningful was "big sense of humor."

butterface flavor ( n.)—a nonexistent variety of gelato to describe a girl who frequents the ice cream parlor and manages to maintain her figure, "but her face" does not exactly induce the "yum" factor

Working at Lecca Lecca has its perks for Pauly D and Vinny, who use their position to pick up girls (hopefully those who are DTF). But not all of the ladies have the full package of both beautiful faces and bodies.

Watch!

5 Best Jersey Shore Moments

Snooki and Angelina brawl over each other’s sloppy seconds, The Situation introduces the smoosh room to Canada, and Pauly D gets musical again. See the most hilarious moments from this week’s hit MTV show.

Sloppy Seconds—Earrings = Catfight

Snooki and Angelina share more than a bizarrely bright orange skin tone and fondness for New Jersey--despite their New York home addresses. This summer, the two also shared men. Both ladies slept with allegedly well-hung Jersey Shore cast-mate Vinny and in Thursday night's episode, Snooki brought home one of Angelina's past hook-ups, Alex. While Vinny was "shocked that Snooki had the balls to do it," Angelina was not so impressed. It led to an epic catfight that started with Snooki saying, "Hold my earrings," ended with Angelina leaving the show for the second season in a row, and involved a lot of underwear-flashing and hair-pulling in between. The Thursday night showdown had the Princess of Poughkeepsie in one corner and The Staten Island Dump in the other. It was certainly not a clean fight.

A Canadian Situation, Eh?

The Situation attempted to get busy in a club bathroom last week, but his "girl"—as he often refers to his sexual conquests—disappeared. She later posted a note outside his house, in modern guido/guidette fairytale fashion, with her phone number. This week, the two decided to give their smoosh session one more try and planned things out in advance. Samantha, as we learn this Canadian import is called, came over before the cast headed out to their favorite hot spot, Klutch. The Situation offered Samantha a lollipop, told her to pick out her sleepwear (his t-shirt and his shorts), and laid a fresh sheet over the cast's communal bed. "If I'm already picking out pajamas for this chick, you know it's gonna be a good night," he declares. When the two return, things get loud and The Situation seems ready to trade in Jersey for our neighbors to the North.

GTL

Best Jersey Shore Moments

From Snooki’s new word for her private parts to the boys’ T-shirt time song, see the most hilarious moments from this week’s hit MTV show.

Word of the Week: Kookah

What the ladies of the Real Housewives of New Jersey call a “ chucky,” the Jersey Shore roommates refer to as a “kookah.” The Snooki-coined colloquialism for a female’s nether regions was introduced in Thursday night’s episode after Paulie D attempted to wake up the smallest cast member in time for her manicure appointment. As she drags herself out of bed (literally) and plops her 4’11” frame down on a beanbag chair, she whines, “My kookah’s out.” Later on, as her best friend J-Woww touches up her roots (these two are up on their grooming), the two discuss previous injuries to their private parts. “I have had accidents,” J-Woww admits, and the two share their bike and house-related “kookah” injuries. “I thought I broke my vagina bone,” Snooki reminisces. “It’s terrible.”

No Ropa Para Situation

In an attempt to adapt to their new Miami home for Season Two, the Jersey Shore cast is learning some Spanish. After getting their G and T (gym and tan) on, the boys move on to pick up their L (laundry). But the cleaners seemingly don’t have The Situation’s clothes (or “ropa,” as the Spanish-speaking cleaner refers to it). “No ropa para Situation,” the adorable employee explains. She tries to jog the often-intoxicated cast member’s memory that he picked up his clothes yesterday. “Remember, Situation?” she asks. This is what drinking at places called Klutch on a nightly basis will do to you.

DEVELOPMENT

MTV Looks Beyond Jersey Shore

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MTV's new show "World of Jenks." Credit: MTV

After a long slump, MTV is trying to build on the Jersey Shore juggernaut. Peter Lauria reports that executives want both scripted raunch and earnest programs like World of Jenks.

Andrew Jenks is not the prototypical male MTV reality star. He lacks the vulgarity of Johnny Knoxville, the celebrity of Ozzy Osbourne, the pedigree of Brody Jenner, and the abs of Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino. Jenks is instead a lanky, earnest, well-traveled (having lived in Nepal and Belgium) auteur from humble beginnings. In short, he’s the antithesis of those other dudes. But while Jackass, The Osbournes, and The Hills have been breakout hits for MTV over its history, World of Jenks—the guerrilla documentary series in which Jenks embeds himself for a week with a mixed martial artist, animal rescuer, gangsta rapper, NFL cheerleader, and others to see what life is like in their worlds—is a vital litmus test for whether the network can use the momentum from the Jersey Shore juggernaut to launch and build a strong overall programming slate, something it has in the past failed to do off the back of the other shows.

A few years ago, a faction of executives inside MTV began grumbling that the network had become too female-oriented and a whisper campaign began to “bring the men back.”

With Jersey Shore averaging around 6 million viewers per week and Sunday’s Video Music Awards watched by an audience of 11.4 million (the award show’s highest ratings since 2002), MTV appears to be regaining its pop-culture clout. “MTV is back,” declared Richard Greenfield, an analyst with BTIG who has been notoriously negative on the network and its parent, Viacom, for the past few years. “Investors can no longer say nobody watches MTV, ‘it’s dead,’ or ‘that generation is using Facebook and does not care about MTV.’”

But the VMAs are a one-off and Jersey Shore’s star, not unlike the other breakout hits to come before it, will eventually fade. Before that happens, MTV needs to develop a slate of shows that collectively span genres and audience demographics to provide a solid ratings foundation and generate enough advertiser appeal to avoid falling into another prolonged slump. World of Jenks, for example, is aimed at men, though MTV did trade in the eponymous star's short hair, glasses and hand-me-down clothing for contacts, hipster attire, and a perfectly disheveled coif that gives him that bohemian artist vibe that young girls can't resist. The show’s earnestness stands in stark contrast to Viacom Chairman Sumner Redstone’s decree in June that MTV develop a show around a raunchy, all-girl group dubbed The Electric Barbarellas over the objections of CEO Judy McGrath and other executives at the network.

Chris Linn, MTV’s executive vice president of production, first hit upon the idea to work with Jenks after seeing Room 335, the then-19-year-old's first documentary, in which he moves into a nursing home to experience what life is like for people preparing to die. Linn brought the movie to Tony DiSanto, MTV’s president of programming and development, and the two of them, along with senior vice president of series development Brent Haynes, decided to pitch Jenks on a series of 30-minute "self-contained" mini-movies that featured him moving in with various peers for a week to document their lives. (It’s similar to Morgan Spurlock’s Super-Size Me and his followup series for FX, 30 Days.)

"Our research shows that our audience wants their reality real," says DiSanto. "They want to get real down and dirty. Jenks is a guy in their demo who is making films about worlds you think you know about, but he flips them on their heads and presents them in a totally different way. His visual language and the way he goes through the transformation [with the subject] is very authentic."

In the first episode—which aired after Sunday’s VMAs to an audience of 4.8 million total viewers, making it the highest-rated series launch in MTV’s history— Jenks moves in with Maino, the volatile rapper who served nine years in prison for kidnapping. The episode starts off slow and fluffy, but right at the point where it threatens to become little more than a video blowjob about the fabulous abundance of money, liquor, and ladies afforded charismatic MCs, it turns frighteningly violent, with Maino choking and repeatedly hitting Jenks in the face for asking if he’s providing a good example for his young fans. The footage is raw and real—and terrifying, with Maino’s bodyguard calmly advising the rapper to stop choking Jenks and, “Let him live.”

RIPOFF

The Asian Jersey Shore

Has MTV's hit show become a gateway for ethnic reality TV? Joyce C. Tang talks exclusively to the producers and cast of K-Town about the likelihood of an Asian invasion.

When Jersey Shore ended its winter run on an unexpected high note, making a fantastic turnaround from derogatory exploitation to stroke of entertainment genius, the imitations came fast and furious. There were rumors of a Brighton Beach ripoff and a Persian version; a geriatric version has already made it to air. Second-rate copies of what had originally seemed to many like a second-rate idea—could Jersey Shore, continuing its runaway success in its second season on MTV, have created an entirely new category of identity-based reality television?

Click the Image to View Our Gallery of Jersey Shore vs. K-Town

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At least one copycat is getting out of the gate. In April, a posting appeared on Craigslist calling for “interesting, attractive, colorful Asian Americans to cast in a reality show similar to Jersey Shore.” After the producers shot the pilot episode recently, a steady stream of cast photos trickled out, and TMZ leaked an outrageous casting reel that got the Internet buzzing. There’s already an Asian counterpart—dubbed “The Situasian”—to Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, what appears to be an equal devotion to gym time and boozing as the Jersey-ites, and hair-tugging cat fights.

Unsurprisingly, it’s not just Guidos and Guidettes that can party and ‘roid out with the best of them. The bottom line of all this seemed to say, Asians! They’re just like us! Except substitute gym, tan, laundry, for karaoke, designer brands, and taking pictures.

Jaimie Etkin: The Real Jersey Shore DictionaryTentatively titled K-Town and set in Los Angeles’ Koreatown, the show has yet to be picked up by a network, and who knows whether it will be. Not since 1994 have television audiences been confronted with an all-Asian cast. Margaret Cho’s All American Girl aired for one short-lived, turbulent season. Plagued by low ratings, ABC wrangled with Cho about her weight, not being Asian enough, and then being too Asian. By the end of the season, the only Asians left were Cho and co-star Amy Hill.

While the cast of Jersey Shore played into Italian-American stereotypes with unself-conscious zeal, the racial twist of the Asian translation has a different agenda.

“A lot of stereotypes about Asians are good,” said Mike Le, one of the show’s producers. “We’re smart, we play the violin or piano, we’re hard workers, great at math. Our cast is like that, too, except they’re also sexy, stylish, and have swagger. Those are things people don’t think of when they think of Asians in media. They think Asian guys are asexual, girls are docile, repressed.”

A Living Language

The Real Jersey Dictionary

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Snooki from The Jersey Shore. (Photo Illustration)

Still not sure what the guidos and guidettes of Jersey Shore and The Real Housewives of New Jersey are doing when they "beat the beat," "smush," or consume "calamad"? Don’t be a "fugazi"—The Daily Beast has a glossary of key terms.

Still not sure what the guidos and guidettes of Jersey Shore and The Real Housewives of New Jersey are doing when they " beat the beat," " smush," or consume " calamad"? Don't be a " fugazi"—The Daily Beast has a glossary of key terms.

battle (v.)—to dance in a friendly yet somewhat competitive manner at a nightclub while house music blasts ( see also, Karma)

Although the casts of Jersey Shore and The Real Housewives of New Jersey have both had their fair share of the traditional battles, the phrase "battle it out" actually refers to dancing one's butt off, likely in a tight-fitting shirt-turned-dress with multiple slits, at a nightclub. Sometimes, those who have experience battling will do back flips, regardless of revealing undergarments.

beat up the beat (v.)—to pound the dance floor of a nightclub with one's fist in a circle with one's friends and slowly rise up to a full standing position

Example: "We're beating up the beat—that's what we say when we're doing our fist pump. First, we start off banging the ground. We're beating it as the beat builds because that beat's hitting us so we're fighting back. It's like we beat up that beat."—DJ Pauly D, Jersey Shore

blowout (n.)—a hairstyle popular among Italian-American men in the tri-state area that involves blowing one's hair with a blowdryer whilst brushing in an upward motion and then slathering on a copious amount of gel (repeat two times) ( see also, pouf)

For fans of the viral video " My New Haircut," this hairstyle was made popular by DJ Pauly D of Jersey Shore. As the reality-TV star explained in his audition video, it takes him 25 minutes to perfect the look. "My hair's windproof, waterproof, soccerproof, motorcycle proof. I'm not sure if my hair's bulletproof, I'm not willing to try that," he said in one Season 1 episode.

bubbies (n. pl)—a synonym for breasts ( see also, chucky)

Want to catch up with the first season, before Season 2 premieres tonight? WATCH VIDEO of Snooki, The Situation, and the rest of the fake-baked crew.

GTL: Gym, Tan, Laundry

Guidos live and die by the three words: gym, tan, laundry, better known as GTL. Three of the men in the Jersey Shore house—DJ Pauly D, juicehead Ronnie, and ab man extraordinaire Mike "The Situation"—show us how they spend their days. The first step is to gel your hair and hit the gym to work on your fitness. Then, it's off to the tanning salon because when you're busy getting jacked, you sometimes can't make it to lay out and catch some rays, even if the scenic Atlantic Ocean is a mere five minutes from your house. Finally, you have to visit the laundromat to make sure you have a clean outfit. Let's recap: workout until your muscles are ready to explode, lay in tanning beds to turn a horrifying shade of orange, and do some laundry so your Ed Hardy tee looks "fresh to death," which means its bedazzled crystals sparkle to the fullest.

Grenades Blow Up Any Situation

The Situation and his trusty sidekick Pauly D show us that love really is a battlefield and all guidos must be cautious of grenades. For those unfamiliar with the term "grenade," it's essentially the boys' nickname for an attractive lady's not-so-attractive lady friend. As The Situation explains, "When you go into battle, you need to have some friends with you, so that just in case a grenade gets thrown at you, one of your buddies takes it first." Pauly D takes one for the team and entertains the grenade to The Situation's girl of the moment…until he goes AWOL. In Pauly D's words, "My girl was busted… and she's complaining that she has to be home… In my head, I'm like, 'Then go home.'" Clearly, that grenade did not spark anything positive.

Wealth

Pimping Out the Jersey Shore

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Cast of Jersey Shore Miami. Credit: MTV

The Jersey Shore kids now command upward of $25,000 even to consider showing up at a Sweet 16 party. Anna David talks to the agents who set the prices for their appearances.

The Jersey Shore kids now command upward of $25,000 even to consider showing up at a Sweet 16 party. Anna David talks to the agents who set the prices for their appearances

• Central Entertainment Group, the booking agents for the male cast members of Jersey Shore, only considers offers that start at $25,000 ($30,000-$50,000 if it’s corporate)

• Pauly D doesn’t do personal appearances, just deejay gigs

• The agents limit Sweet 16 appearances to every six to eight weeks because “clubs will stop booking you if you’re a Sweet 16 person.”


• CEG denies being the source of the leaks to TMZ about the Jersey Shore contract negotiations.


• CEG’s Michael Schweiger says about Tila Tequila: “We never repped her—thank God. Now you couldn’t give her away.

“Before anything had aired and I just heard it was a show about guidos, I said ‘No way,’” says Sal Bonaventura, one half of Central Entertainment Group, the personal-appearance booking agency that now reps all the men of MTV’s Jersey Shore. Bonaventura—who is bedecked with tattoos and hails from Staten Island (with the accent to prove it)—revised his opinion once he met DJ Pauly D and “realized what a good kid he was.”

Bonaventura’s partner Michael Schweiger—a soft-spoken, balding, goateed Australian who went to acting school with Judi Dench and Mel Gibson—may joke that Bonaventura is probably a relative of Pauly’s since “all guidos are related,” but he’s clearly grateful that his partner is now so deeply entrenched in the Jersey Shore world that he’s actually earned the nickname of “Papa Guido” from TMZ.

The two are hardly new to the business, having booked nightclub appearances for nearly three decades. But whereas their work used to revolve around dance-music artists, the focus switched when club mentalities changed and reality-TV stars sprang up. “Our clients used to be 90 percent music people but now it’s 70 percent reality stars,” says Bonaventura, who joined forces with Schweiger in 2005 (they’d been “very cordial competitors” for years).

While the club appearances, Sweet 16 parties, and deejay gigs CEG books for the Jersey Shore men—Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, Ronnie Magro, Vinny Guadagnino, and, of course, the aforementioned Paul "DJ Pauly D" DelVecchio—keep Bonaventura and Schweiger fairly busy, the company’s client list is full of plenty of other reality castmembers that also cater to the 18-to-24 year-old demo: Tool Academy guys, Bad Girls Club girls, and assorted Ray J ladies, as well as Shanna Moakler and Dave Navarro. But CEG doesn’t just focus on the club kids: Photos of Real Housewives clients Caroline Manzo (New Jersey) and Alex McCord (New York) are right there on the CEG site, although their images are nestled among so many decked in hair gel, saline, and silicone that you might miss them.

The aforementioned saline and silicone aren’t only decorating the bodies of the Bad Girls and Ray J candidates. Take away the Jersey Shore kids, in fact, and you could say that CEG’s business model is centered on lots and lots of lady skin. “That’s the mentality of the buyer,” Schweiger says during an interview in CEG’s Manhattan office, not sounding remotely defensive, before uttering a sentence that’s both a sure sign of our upcoming cultural apocalypse and all too true. “We’re in the American pop-culture business so it’s tits and ass that sells.”

Schweiger seems more resigned than cheerful about having cornered the T&A market, and good-naturedly mentions that his 15-year-old daughter told him that the company website looks like a “porn site.” Yet CEG’s only porn client is Sasha Grey, and both men are quick to point out that they don’t book her porn, that she’s a legitimate actress who’s going to be playing Vinnie Chase’s girlfriend on Entourage, and that they’re “converting” her into a deejay.

But all the ladies may be taking a bit of a backseat these days as offers for the GTL crew pile up. Some are as high as $50,000 (a figure Pauly D was offered—and turned down—to walk a bride down the aisle) and right now the company is only considering ones that start at $25,000 ($30,000-$50,000 if it’s corporate). Also: Pauly D doesn’t do personal appearances, just deejay gigs.

Money

Payday for the Jersey Shore Cast

After the extremely unlikely success of MTV's "guido" docusoap, the cast has cashed in on its outsized newfound fame—"Let's just say it's a situation," says the show's creator.

"I'll be honest, man, right here, this is just the beginning for me," said Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino. "I want it all. I want it all. Right now I'm one of the biggest names in the country and once I, you know, exhaust the options in reality, which could be another year or two maybe, maybe, maybe. If not, you know, then like I said, there's so many people calling for sitcoms, 'Will you have your own sitcom, we want you to do'—this is nothing crazy—but 'Can you do Dancing With the Stars?' I couldn't do that last year because I had a contract. And movies—and Fast and Furious's and meetings with studios."

"I do think—the kids who drink their own Kool-Aid—they'll be very thirsty very soon," said SallyAnn Salsano, the show’s creator.

The Season 2 Jersey Shore Trailer: Same Drama, Different Shore.

The Situation's show, Jersey Shore, a docusoap reality show about eight horny, oiled-up party animals that call themselves guidos, begins airing its second season—set entirely in Miami Beach—next Thursday at 10 p.m. The show is currently filming in New Jersey what was to be the ending of Season 2 but is now officially Season 3.

This distinction between seasons is where the recent, ugly labor unrest, pitting the cast against the show—which MTV announced Tuesday night has been resolved—began.

After the runaway success of Season 1—all of nine episodes, which premiered in December 2009—producers quickly reupped the original cast, at a rate of $10,000 an episode. While in the two-month isolation chamber of Season 2's shooting (no phones, no TV), they had been in contact with their growing teams of managers, agents, and lawyers. These were professionals who knew to take advantage of MTV's sudden recategorization of the current New Jersey shoot as Season 3. New contracts for everyone! The pros were prepared to do whatever—stuff like leak contract offers to TMZ, for instance—to get more cash for the stars.

The Situation, for instance, had hooked up with Mike Petolino, a casting director who went to Rutgers and does a lot of work for MTV and VH1, who is now his manager. The Situation had already been working with Michael Schweiger at CEG Talent, an outfit that represented at least 50% of the Jersey Shore cast at one point, and who took credit for the Season 2 bump in pay. (CEG also represents the likes of Obama Girl, Patti Stanger, and some Real Housewives.) Petolino was already busy setting up deals—like the just-announced Situation "lifestyle" book.

Both MTV and Jersey Shore's producers, 495 Productions, knew in early summer what was coming—this isn't their first time dealing with the newly famous, after all. But everyone who wasn't insanely hungover at the end of the Miami shoot, when these interviews were conducted, was a little antsy.

Interview

Snooki Talks to Meghan McCain!

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Chaunce Hayden / Getty Images

With Season 2 of Jersey Shore approaching, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi talked to McCain about tanning, Jersey v. Miami, and voting for John McCain “because he was really cute.”

I watched—and loved—every second of the first season of The Jersey Shore. And the tiny, feisty, tan Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi was my favorite. When I found out she was angry about Obama's tax on tanning, I had some questions for her—about politics, how the show has changed her life, and whether Vinnie or The Situation is a better kisser.

Meghan McCain: I told my father that you made a comment about Obama’s tanning-booth tax, and he knew who you were, and I was like, “Well, you should Twitter her.” So what did you think when he did that?

“I do admire Kendra Wilkinson and Tori Spelling.”

Snooki Polizzi: I thought it was pretty frickin’ awesome because I voted for McCain. So the fact that he actually acknowledged like what I was saying about the tanning booth… It was crazy because I never thought, like, what I was saying on the show, that he would actually say something to me. So that was pretty awesome and I’m really happy that he actually knows who I am.

Meghan: He did. He was like, “She’s on The Jersey Shore.” Have you always been a Republican? And are you still interested in politics?

Snooki: To be honest with you, I’m not really a Republican or a Democrat. I actually signed up as an independent, just because I don’t want to pick any side and also I don’t really know a lot about politics. I only know politics about, like, you know, tanning and being a Guidette. So when I saw it was Obama and McCain, to be honest with you, the only reason why I voted for your father was because he was really cute and I liked when he did his speeches.

Meghan: Well, thank you. [Laughing] I appreciate that, though it’s a little weird… Are you still pissed off about the tax on tanning?

Snooki: Um, I really don’t see the reason why there would be a tax on tanning, because so many people go tanning even though they’re not, like, Guido/Guidettes. People go tanning because they like to feel tan. You feel more sexy when you’re tan and I don’t understand why you would tax on that, because you’re making yourself feel more happy about yourself. So I really don’t understand why that would be, but you know, whatever.

Pop Quiz

John McCain or Jersey Shore?

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Getty Images; MTV

According to the new political bestseller Game Change, John McCain drops enough F-bombs to fit right in on the hit MTV reality show Jersey Shore. Can you tell the difference between Big Mac and America’s favorite tanned and toned Italian-American 20-somethings—or, as they call infamously themselves, guidos? Take our NSFW quiz.

1.
A) “They’re going to fuck us.”
B) “You’re fucking disgusting.”

2.
A) “Holy shit. What the fuck are we gonna do?”
B) “How many fucking times do I have to go to fucking New York this week?”

3.
A) “Forget about this shit; we’re friends, we’ve been friends for 20 years.”
B) “I’m sucking up my pride right now, and apologizing.”

4.
A) “They’re going to destroy the fucking party.”
B) “The party's in Pauly D's pants tonight."

5.
A) “What the fuck are all these people doing here?”
B) “I wouldn’t be a dick if you weren’t a little bitch.”

6.
A) “I was thinkin’ heavy fire and I didn’t wear my bulletproof vest and I just don’t know if I’m gonna make it.”
B) “I’m gonna do what I need to do, everything I need to do, and then we’ll probably lose.”

7.
A) “We don’t need to worry about that crap. It’s just bullshit.”
B) “I look over and I see like hair being pulled and all this shit, I'm like oh my god, how do I get in?”

8.
A) "I don't give a fuck if you're fat, you're ugly, you're 45 years old…”
B) “If that happens to me tomorrow night, we’re fucked.”

Girl Power

Jersey Shore's Surprise Feminists

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The thong-wearing ladies on the MTV reality show Jersey Shore are causing outrage among Italian-American groups—but Nicole LaPorte argues that they’re progressive prima donnas.

With her leopard thong, poof hairdo, and “Pornstar in Training” trucker cap, Nicole Polizzi—better known as “Snooki” on the MTV reality series Jersey Shore—is no Meadow Soprano.

And not just because Snooki and her female cohorts on the show—in which a group of self-proclaimed guidos and guidettes shack up in a house in Seaside Heights, New Jersey, for a summer of boozing, clubbing, and Jacuzzi-ing—aren’t Ivy League-educated Good Girls. Or that Snooki’s response to an Italian-American group and companies that recently pulled advertising from Jersey Shore because they said it reinforced negative stereotypes was: “FUCK YOU! If you don’t want to watch, don’t watch. Just shut the hell up! I’m serious. FUCK YOU!”

The truth is, the show is actually undoing age-old stereotypes and replacing them, for better or worse, with a progressive, and even revolutionary, model of prima donna that is more Lady Gaga than Victoria Gotti. In contrast to the one-dimensional portraits of Italian-American women that have been trotted out over the years—the loud-mouthed bimbo (Marisa Tomei’s Oscar-winning performance as Mona Lisa Vito in My Cousin Vinny); the long-suffering housewife (Connie in The Godfather; Carmela on The Sopranos); the daddy’s princess (Meadow Soprano)—the trash-talking, overly tanned ladies of Jersey Shore pick fist fights, refuse to cook or clean up, and shuffle around in slippers and sweats while the guys in the house preen and put on lip gloss. Most dramatically, they are not women who are defined by, or in the service of, the guidos and goombahs around them, whether it’s their fathers, husbands, or boyfriends.

Sure, they’re sex objects whose main mission in life is to snag a man. Snooki, who looks like a miniature cross between Donatella Versace and Elvira, tells the camera: “I want to marry a guido. My ultimate dream is to move to Jersey, find a nice, juiced, hot, tan guy, and live my life.”

But when it comes to sex, they’re aggressive predators who, if anything, objectify the men they’re so intent on scoring.

“I have a bad habit of playing little emotional games with men,” Jenni “JWOWW” Farley says. “When they date me, it’s cool at the beginning, we do our thing in the first month, and then I send them on a roller-coaster ride to hell.”

“Your No. 1 mission is to go out and find the hottest guido and take him home,” says Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola, who, by the second episode, has attracted and spurned one roommate, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino (an ab-ripped phenomenon who, naturally, refers to himself in the third person), and is sleeping with another, Ronnie Magro (the resident dumb-but-sweet thug). Though she momentarily ditches him, too, for an “old friend” referred to as “The Cop.”

End of an Era

MTV has announced that the upcoming sixth season of 'Jersey Shore' will be its last. The Daily Beast relives the phenomenon that was 'Jersey Shore.'

Snooki Meets Newt, Late Night TV Explodes

Together at last. The 'Jersey Shore' star got Newt Gingrich to reveal he didn't have strippers at his bachelor party before marrying Calista. We're guessing Snooki doesn't know about his torrid past.

  1. Jersey Shore's Explosive Night Play

    Jersey Shore's Explosive Night

  2. When Jane Lynch Met The ‘Jersey Shore’ Play

    When Jane Lynch Met The ‘Jersey Shore’

  3. An Iranian Jersey Shore? Play

    An Iranian Jersey Shore?

Fabulicious

The 'Jersey Shore' Guide to English

The Real Jersey Dictionary

The Real Jersey Dictionary

Still not sure what the guidos and guidettes of Jersey Shore and The Real Housewives of New Jersey are doing when they "beat the beat," "smush," or consume "calamad"? Don’t be a "fugazi"—The Daily Beast has a glossary of key terms.

YOUSE

The Real Jersey Dictionary, Vol. 2

GRENADE

The Real Jersey Dictionary, Vol. 3

PTL

Learn a Foreign Language

‘Jersey Shore’ Guide to Italian

‘Jersey Shore’ Guide to Italian

MTV’s guidos and guidettes head to the motherland Thursday for season four. How will their lingo translate?

Wannabes

Reality Show Face Off

Why The Real World Still Matters

Why The Real World Still Matters

As it premieres its 25th season on Wednesday, the show that paved the way for reality juggernauts like Jersey Shore still draws 2 million viewers because it is the only one that features young people discussing their differences in substantive ways, Joshua Alston writes.

RIPOFF

The Asian Jersey Shore

DEVELOPMENT

MTV Looks Beyond Jersey Shore