#1 Ana Ivanovic and Zadie Smith (Honorable Mention)
If Zadie Smith had published a book in '08, she’d be #1 (not only is the chick beautiful and brilliant and literary and into hiphop, but she’s also got this really sexy deep voice, not Kathleen Turner deep, but a really nice, full, low tone that always kills me). But she didn’t, so she’s the obligatory honorable mention. So who’s ahead of Tina? How could anyone slip ahead of Tina? Well, little compares to the excitement of a hot woman who not only likes sports but is a really good athlete. And when tennis produces a woman so gorgeous that it’s unbelievably hard to take your eyes off her, she’s an insuperable TMSS. And unlike that pathetic cream puff Anna Kournikova, my #1’s not a frequently double-faulting, habitual first-round loser. No, my #1 won the French Open this year and reached the finals of the Australian Open weeks before winning in Paris. Ana Ivanovic of Serbia is currently the fifth-best woman in the world. She’s got a mean forehand, is studying finance online as she travels the world winning tournaments, and is blowing men away with a butterscotch-colored face that’s all smooth slopes and haunting eyes. Ivanovic is the most beautiful female professional athlete of all time. I just hope she doesn’t think that love really equals nothing.