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Hard to imagine how the Brits took an interest in Judge Judy, who spends her days yelling at Americans about overdue rent, but The Guardian profiled America’s Favorite Scold earlier this week. Fay Weldon characterizes showbiz’s third-highest paid talker as “both stern father and anxious mother to an audience I suspect she sees as dumb and getting dumber, and in dire need of reform.” She then proceeds to endorse Judy as John McCain’s running mate on the basis of her birth-control plan—“having every woman implanted at birth with a contraceptive chip, to be taken out only on request.” We’ll stick with Palin.