The Grammys Get a Clue

Last year one of my favorite artists actually won album of the year. Outkast's "Speakerboxx/The Love Below" reigned supreme and for a few days, I was really happy. Then it dawned on me. The Recording Academy, the most clueless panel of judges until "American Idol" reared its empty head, liked what I liked. In fact, they loved it. Something was clearly wrong. Either I had totally lost my critical edge or the Recording Academy had finally found some taste (I know, I'm a snob). My one saving grace? I did not think "Speakerboxx/The Love Below" was Outkast's best album. 2000's "Stankonia" was nominated in the same category four years prior and it should have won, but Outkast's 2004 victory was like a make-up Grammy--kind of like "The Aviator" being nominated for best picture at this year's Oscars. Yes, Martin Scorsese was a great director and no, "The Aviator" is not even close to his best work or the year's best film. It's what I call the Sorry-We-Missed-You-The-First-Time-Around Award.

For the sake of my frail rock-critic ego, I wish I could make the same argument for "College Dropout" and "American Idiot," but they are two of the best albums this year and the best records either of these artists have ever made. OK, so maybe it is Kanye's debut, but in Green Day's case, I've hated them for years and they completely turned me around with "American Idiot." The other nominees for best album--Ray Charles's "Genius Loves Company," Usher's "Confessions" and Alicia Keys' "The Diary of Alicia Keys"--are not what I consider 2004's best, but they're far more relevant choices than the choices in Grammys of yore.

Consider that the Recording Academy awarded Jethro Tull the best hard rock/metal rock Grammy. In 1989. Over Metallica. And who can forget when Steely Dan won album of the year--in 2001. I took an informal poll among my friends afterward--none of them even knew Steely Dan were still together let alone had an album out. So who are the Recording Academy voting members? Here's an explanation pulled straight from The Grammy Web site: "Recording Academy voting members are professionals with creative or technical credits on six commercially released tracks (or their equivalent). These may include vocalists, conductors, songwriters, composers, engineers, producers, instrumentalists, arrangers, art directors, album notes writers, narrators and music video artists and technicians." Hey, wake up--the ceremony hasn't started yet.

I could rationalize that Grammy is simply catching up with my good taste instead of me sliding the other way. For one, their voting block is getting younger because the music business is getting younger. No one in the industry is allowed to grow old and keep their job. There's also far more access to new music today than there ever has been thanks to increasingly aggressive promotion (if you watch MTV you know this is a good and bad thing) and the Internet. Video channels like MTV or shows like BET's "106 & Park" expose Academy members to what kids are (supposedly) listening to, while MTV2 and Fuse expose members to what the kids who hate MTV/VH1 and the Grammys are (supposedly) listening to. It's also easier to test out new music for 99 cents a pop on iTunes, and that's if you're not already pirating it for free. Even satellite radio gives the bored listener several customized opportunities to stay tuned rather than pop in an old CD.

None of this is scientific, of course; it's just me trying to prove I'm way ahead of the game while those poor Academy slobs are just discovering grunge. I would have liked to discuss the surprises in some of the other categories, but the fact is, there really are none: each strikes a perfect balance of the pop hit, the critical darling and something for the fogies. At least I could still roll my eyes like a disgruntled teen when I found out who was performing on Grammy night. U2, of course, because a Grammy night without the Irish band is like Thanksgiving dinner without Auntie Gert's trusty string-bean casserole. Everyone loved it the first year, and now they just sort of expect it. I also don't want to watch Alicia Keys again because, well, I think she's really overrated, and it makes me cringe every time I watch her try and live up to the hype. Then there's Tim McGraw, a.k.a. my go-make-popcorn break. I don't even want to watch Green Day and Kanye perform because I'm afraid they'll do some horrible Elton-style musical montage and I'll turn on them, too.

The one performance I will certainly watch is J. Lo and Marc Anthony. The tabloid-dogged couple will perform together, on stage, for the first time since becoming husband and wife! It's perfect. I like them yet I have no cool cred at stake here because I don't care if Marc Anthony wins or loses best Latin pop album or best salsa meringue album. Well, wait, maybe I do. I kind of have a crush on him, and I refuse to get involved with someone the Recording Academy likes. Great, there goes that fantasy.

So on Grammy night, I will not be rooting for my favorite artists. In fact, I will selfishly be praying for the least relevant nominee to win top honors just so I can still love Kanye West and feel cool.