12 Leaders on Life Lessons

After I finished my residency and I was starting to be an attending surgeon, I realized that there was a tremendous gap. Women complained that it took so long to find out their test results. It was so easy to resolve. At our center, women can get mammogram and pathology results within hours. I'm proud of that.

Things have gotten better for women in the last 20 years, but I think we still need to figure ways in which we can have families and still have leadership roles in our jobs. I think that's still a big problem. Early on, I decided not to have children. And I don't really regret it. I think about it, but I just couldn't have done what I have done and had children. It would have been impossible. And I love what I do, I really do. I know people are going to say, "Well, she's probably saying that because it's very hard to admit that you made a mistake," and I do think about it. I have a lot of nieces and nephews, and I'm the godmother for a couple of kids, so it's not like I don't have any children in my life, but I'm sort of happy not to have the responsibility. I do see a lot of people have kids and they are very, very happy, so I don't know that I'll ever be able to answer whether it was a bad decision, really, completely honestly. But I'm happy now.

JUDITH JAMISON

Artistic Director, Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater You should be surrounded by people who you respect and admire and who know more than you know. You cannot be expert in everything. It's how I've been working, even as a dancer. Alvin [Ailey] provided the best dancers around me and provided me with circumstances where I could dance around the world with extraordinary artists and learn more.

I came from a household of people who sang and played the piano. So, I came from a disciplined house. You don't arrive to places late, you are polite, you do unto others as you would have them do to you. That life lesson continued when I started dancing at 6. I started playing the violin when I was 12, and I started playing in an orchestra when I was 14, and dancing at the same time and going to church every Sunday and going to art museums every week and plays and operas, and I had and continue to have a very full life. I tell dancers this all the time: you have to absorb life. You have nothing to tell anyone about being a human being onstage if you haven't enjoyed or endured being a human being, which means you have to put yourself out into the world. The dance world is very private, very closed until the curtain goes up and you reveal your heart and your soul for two hours, and then you're back in that world again or out in the world again. So, you need the skills to go through the real world so that you have something to say about the art world.

Be creative. I don't care if all you're doing is making pencils. Be creative. If you can't do it at work, go home and do it. Open yourself up to life. It is quite a journey.

JUDITH SHAPIRO

President, Barnard College Never lose your sense of humor. Almost anything can be funny if you look at it in the right way. As an anthropologist, I also believe in being a participant observer. It's useful to step out of a situation and not take it personally. It's also really important to transcend gender stereotypes. You need to be supportive of your people because leading is about serving. That's not a girly thing; it's what I believe a strong leader does. So you can't be trapped in gender stereotypes, by playing into them or by feeling that you have to act in the opposite way. I think you should always be working to subvert them.

We really need to avoid the feminist mystique, which is not much better than the feminine mystique, the idea that women intrinsically and mysteriously all have the same qualities. There are some really nasty, selfish, narcissistic women bosses. But because men and women have had different social experiences, it is probable that women are more likely to behave in a certain way than men. It's not as if all men are taller than all women. It's just that the curve is a little different. Reaching agreements through persuasion and conversation is a good thing, and women are more likely to have the skills to achieve this. I was part of the second-wave feminist scholarship that got going in the late ' 60s and early ' 70s, and I've always been very fearful of the kind of feminism that creates gender stereotypes, that says that all women are nurturing, all women are great. But I do think that because of their social experiences, women bring important qualities to leadership.

SUSAN LYNE

President and CEO, Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, Inc. Always leave a little something on the table. It's important advice in any business. A total win for one side in any negotiation is just wrong because it's almost always a pyrrhic victory. You end up with bad partnerships. And we have long careers, and it is very likely you're going to be meeting the same people at some point down the line, so it's important to make sure that nobody feels like they have been either embarrassed or beaten in a negotiation. I think you only get the best out of people or the best partnership if both people feel good about the terms.

I look to hire people who I think have the potential to take my job at some point. I firmly believe that you need to hire people who have leadership qualities and who are ambitious enough to want to soak up and learn everything you can teach them. I always told everybody at ABC who was running a division there that reported to me that I expected them to want my position, to be president of Entertainment at some point, and I wanted them to hire people who wanted their jobs. You can never be afraid that someone's going to outshine you.

I think that being fired from a big job in a very public way puts a lot of the smaller indignities into perspective. I think I cared probably too much about having people like me as opposed to having people respect me. But look, I still want to be liked and I still want to be loved, but in the larger scheme of things, no one is going to love you every moment of every day in your career. And as I said, as long as in the end they feel that I did my job well, I'm OK.

MARIA ELENA LAGOMASINO

Former chairman and CEO, JP Morgan Private Bank I left my job at Morgan in March and I really enjoy figuring out how I reinvent myself. I try to see everything as an opportunity to grow. I'll give you a little example. I hurt myself Labor Day weekend. I'm going to be fine, but for a couple of weeks, I haven't been able to walk. So a friend was nice enough to get a wheelchair and take me out. I was thinking it's terrible I'm in this wheelchair, but hey, I'm seeing the world from the eyes of somebody in a wheelchair, and I'm learning how vulnerable you are. It gave me a new sensitivity.

When I started in the bank, my job was 100 percent dealing with clients. There weren't that many women doing what I was doing, particularly in the South American market. You want people to remember you. The fact I wasn't some young guy in a pinstripe suit actually helped. I was blessed with unbelievable support from my clients. They built successful companies and had put heart and soul into work. What I learned from them was to love what I did, because I was going to have to do it around the clock.

Nobody's perfect. But you can create a perfect team if you celebrate what people do well and complement them with people who have different talents. If you celebrate what people do well, it's like giving them oxygen, and they perform way beyond your expectations.

SHARON ALLEN

Chairman of the board, Deloitte & Touche USA Take responsibility for your own career. Don't assume that others are aware of the good work you're doing. When I was a young accountant, I was unhappy about not getting a promotion. I went to my supervisor and told him all of these things that I thought I should be given credit for and he said "Well, gee, I didn't know that you had done all of these things." It was a real wakeup call. You don't have to be a bragger, but I think it's very important that we make people aware of our accomplishments. I think sometimes women tend to be less willing to do that.

Everyone has to develop a style that they are comfortable with. I think it's very possible to be nice and generous and courteous and really helpful to the people around you while still being firm when necessary. When I have a strong opinion about something, I assert it. There are days when I might be considered to be over the top on that. But I do think you can establish a style and be clear about your expectations without being overtly aggressive.

I'm the fourth of four girls. My sisters were very accomplished and I had to do everything they did and more. I wanted to be a leader. One of my mentors used to say that if you wait for someone to ask you to be a leader, you'll never be one. Growing up on a farm in Idaho taught me a lot of things. My family instilled a work ethic. It was a very open environment and taught me to accept people on their own terms. I grew up without a lot of biases. It's good to remember your roots and stay close to those who have been influential in your life.

STACEY SNIDER

Chairman, Universal Pictures One of the things that keeps my heart beating for this job and keeps me moving forward is that I can recognize those "Wow!" moments along the way. One of the most recent was a trip to New Zealand to see some early work on "King Kong." There were a handful of us in the room, all people I really care about from work, and then the filmmakers who I'm so in awe of. Just before the lights went down, I was aware that it was a moment that I would never forget, that it represented the culmination of a lot of hard work, that it was a privileged room to be in, and that it was fun and exciting. And we all shot each other looks to say, "Don't forget this."

I've made mistakes in my professional life and I've made mistakes in my personal life. The thing that has always stayed with me is an axiom my dad gave me, which was, adversity breeds character. How you deal with the tough times really defines your character, who you are. But there are definitely times where I feel like "Alright, enough character...I'd like to have some more fun!"

I've had a lot of disruptions in my life. My mom passed away young; my parents were divorced. I think I have a sense of perspective. Other people's temper or ego don't rock my boat. I also think being a parent has been a great learning experience. I'm not as ego-driven as I was when I was younger. I'm glad I've outgrown some of the more immature behaviors that you have when you're in your teens and 20s and even 30s. I know what's important to me, and it enables me to be understanding when somebody else is having an ego moment.

SHELLY LAZARUS

Chairman and CEO, Ogilvy & Mather Worldwide I don't really believe that men and women manage differently. There are as many different styles and approaches among women as there are among men. There are some really bitchy men. There are. People might expect women to be more sensitive so they see what they expect to see.

People who are successful are passionate about what they do. I think other people are attracted to passionate people because they're able to communicate where they think they're going and why they think it's important. One of the things I've loved is being able to work with people who have different ideas, who in many instances are much smarter than I am. I don't have to have the answer. I like to work with people who like solving things together.

I think most people like to work in environments where their ideas are respected. But you can't fake it. You have to really care what other people think. You can always tell who's paying lip service.

The advertising business is very capricious. Clients say, "I don't like this idea so much. I'm going to go to a different agency." You think you're not going to take it personally, but it does take a little bit out of you. And that's because you give yourself to it emotionally. That's just how I am. And if you're seasoned and experienced and all of that, you just pick yourself up and carry on, but it is personal.

STEPHANIE BELL-ROSE

The best advice I've ever gotten is to set goals and believe I can achieve them. That came from my parents when I was fairly young. It's applicable to everything I've tried to do, from school days to setting the course of my career. Believe in yourself, and then move toward your goal.

My mother became a widow at the age of 34 with four children to raise. She didn't finish college but all of us attended Ivy League schools. She did this when there was a lot of turbulence in our society. We lived in an African-American, rather depressed community. It didn't stop her. Her concept of what her children could do went well beyond what she saw everyday, and she made it clear to us that we were headed for bigger things. I have never met a woman who's achieved more.

Now I'm the mother of three sons and I think women who juggle high-powered careers and family recognize that it does take hard work and determination and organization and prioritization. All of those are good things. It also requires a lot of family support because there are times when you've got a one-body problem. You can only be in one place at one time. But I think women are succeeding. You can have it all. It helps to recognize that you may not have it all at the same time as everybody else, that you may want to pace yourself a bit more than people who do not have family commitments. You have to be flexible.

EILEEN COLLINS

NASA Astronaut, Commander, Space Shuttle Discovery In my business, a leader who gets too emotional loses credibility. The people I fly with have to have confidence in me. They have to know that I am levelheaded, that I can make a decision where there could be panic or where we're in an emergency situation. But I'm also human. If I'm feeling emotional, I'll just check out for five or 10 minutes, go get my head on straight and come back with a more professional point of view. Of course, if there's an emergency in space, you can't say, "Hey, give me five minutes and I'll be back."

My last mission was the return to flight of the space shuttle this summer. I've been an astronaut for 15 years, trained for this flight for four years, and as my fourth flight in space, I had confidence in our system. The crew was well prepared and ready to handle anything with a level head. I'm going to be totally honest; I did not have any fear going into this mission. I was not stressed out. I was very focused on getting the job done. My attitude was, it's time to go do this. I've never been nervous on any of my launches because we've been so prepared. In any field, you've got to go out and practice, get to know your subject. You've really got to get the facts and know your stuff.

It's hard to be a parent and an astronaut. But because I love being a parent and I love being an astronaut, I have lots of energy to do both. It's OK to delay having children for a while. I was 38 when I had my daughter and I was 43 when I had my son.

I think I'm a better leader in my job because I'm a parent. I am a lower-stress person, more organized and have learned how to set priorities because of my children. I think that sometimes women more than men try to do everything--more so than men. Men are more willing to assign tasks and direct people, and say, "Do this and report back to me." Women who want to do it all themselves sometimes get burned out. I can't be a micromanager because I don't have time. When I'm home and my kids are awake, I spend time with them. I only sleep five to six hours every night during the week because once I put my kids to bed, I still have to study the space-shuttle systems. On the weekend I'll get eight hours of sleep if I'm lucky. That's probably not very healthy but I have a lot of energy. I run 30 minutes two or three times a week and my kids will go with me on their bicycles and that's a way we can spend time together.

THELMA GOLDEN

Director and Chief Curator of the Studio Museum in Harlem You need a support circle. If it doesn't exist, then you have to create it. When I began at the Whitney Museum, I was very young. I hear about young people or people of color going places where nobody is pulling for them. I had the opposite experience. One of the many people who were helpful to me was the Whitney's librarian and archivist. Here I was, the first black curator at the Whitney. I knew there was a whole lot of history around issues of race at this institution. She led me, literally, into the files that charted it. I needed to know that in order to do my job. Also, all of my curatorial colleagues would just come when I was hanging a show and say, "Hm, you really want to put that there?" They were teaching me how to do it.

The biggest mistake I've ever made was in the early 1990s when I was beginning my career at the Whitney. I didn't realize that what I did was going to be seen by hundreds of people and that everything I said was going to be dissected by people. I didn't understand the psychic weight of this. My biggest mistake was literally responding to my critics. It's a battle I can't win. I do a lot of public speaking now and when someone approaches me with a critique, I acknowledge that I have made a show and that is my idea or my thoughts on these particular artists or the idea, depending on the exhibition. I'm open to other opinions and I take it as that, just another opinion. I've always had these great institutional positions that have really given me the opportunity to really go out on a limb, and I would never want to stop doing that simply because I was afraid I was going to get a bad review. Then I would never do anything.

JUDITH RODIN

President, The Rockefeller Foundation When I was a graduate student, I remember once looking at my watch as I was talking to my adviser and he looked at me and said, "Well, if you have to go home and make dinner for your husband, don't let me keep you." That kind of attitude made me even more determined and really eager to show what I could do. Even in my first year as president of the University of Pennsylvania, I was always referred to as "the new woman president." I told my colleagues that I know I've succeeded when I'm just called the president--which ultimately happened!

Women moving up in their careers often feel they have to be more aggressive, be more like men. They ought to find their own voice.

And don't think you're the only one feeling insecure. Early in their careers, women often think they are not as smart as other people in the room or their ideas aren't as good. You don't realize that other people have the same anxieties, but sometimes they're more willing to speak up despite those anxieties. I think women limit themselves when they don't speak out enough in meetings, especially as they're coming up in the work force.