Seven Things* I'd Rather Talk About Than ... Jessica Simpson
By Nick Lachey
1 That's assuming that there are things that I'd rather talk about.
2 My new album, "What's Left of Me." Every album is a labor of love, but this one was the most painful to make. I'm really proud of it. But, yes, I make hideous faces when I sing. I'm the most painful person in the history of music to watch sing.
3 Ice cream. I'm a huge ice-cream fan. There's a particular brand in Cincinnati called Graeter's. My favorite flavor is mint chip. I've decided not to deprive myself of any of the things in life that I enjoy--like ice cream or beer or pretzels--so I'm going to have to work out extra hard.
4 Working out. When I'm at a public gym I always wipe down the machine. Your own sweat is bad enough, but someone else's? And I've never referred to my biceps as guns. If I'm caught doing that by any reader of your magazine, I hope they'll punch me in the face.
5 Going to games. The biggest perk of my so-called fame is being able to stand on the sidelines or to get great box suites. I've abused umpires with profanity-laced tirades over bad calls. I don't know the most beers I've ever had at a game. It's a scary number. But I've never vomited at a game. That's just embarrassing.
6 Kids. My brother just had a baby girl. I cried when she was born. My house is a little bit under construction, but I will have an auxiliary crib so she can stay at Uncle Nick's. Kids are awesome. I can't wait to have my own. For now she is a perfect substitute.
7 Reality TV. Ironic as this is going to sound, I'm not a huge fan, nor have I ever been.
*An occasional series for beleaguered celebrities. As told to Nicki Gostin.
Au Revoir to Paris
The adorable Paris Bennett was booted from "American Idol" last week. Supergrump judge Simon Cowell said her rendition of Prince's "Kiss" was "screechy and "annoying." (Of course, what Paula Abdul said, America is still trying to decipher.) At least the pint-size belter from Georgia doesn't have a Tonya Harding complex: she called the other female contender, Katharine McPhee, "very sweet." If Katharine wins, though, will Paris still be full of amour?
It's a Hard Knock Life, HBO
THE SOPRANOS HAVE HAD A HARD TIME OF IT LATELY: TONY TAKES A HIT, AND HIS CHEF AND BODYGUARD ARE CAUGHT BY THE POLIZIA. THINK YOU MISSED THAT EPISODE? NOPE, IT'S JUST THE REAL-LIFE WOES OF THE MAKE-BELIEVE MOBSTERS.
A taxi collided with the scooter that James Gandolfini was riding. The Teflon don says he's fine. The scooter? Not so much.
John Ventimiglia was charged with drug possession and drunk driving. Time to get out of the sauce, Chef.
Tony's onscreen bodyguard, Louis Gross, was charged with criminal mischief. He claims, "I don't know nothing." Which may be true.