It's Their World--We Just Mock It

With war in Iraq, sickness, poverty and senseless killing all over the news, it's a relief that we still have people like Britney Spears to remind us what's really important: getting out of a car in a skirt with no underwear on. Britney, Lindsay, Nicole, Paris--all that money and not a single friend to take them to Target? At the very least, those peekaboo moments were an apt metaphor for our debased popular culture. Leading the way, yet again, was the former Mrs. Federline, the ur -ditz of 2006. Check out our recap: She had one baby, dropped another, endured a public break-up, misbehaved in new and creative ways and, of course, wrapped up the year in a nice little bow by flashing us. To Britney and everyone else in tabloid America, we'll see you in '07. But please, a little bit less of you.

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe: Word is she's got a new man, and his name's Oscar.

Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn: Next time try starring in a movie called "The Devoted Couple."

Hilary Swank and What's His Name: At least she didn't spill any of his secrets on her way out.

Pam Anderson and Kid Rock: Of all the splits, this one, frankly, left us stunned.

Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown: "And I-eee-I will not always love you ... "

Paul McCartney and Heather Mills: No one is stopping her from getting that antique bedpan now.

Suri Cruise: A silent birth, a strange name--the bizarre TomKat legacy continues. At least the proud parents finally let us see what their girl looks like.

Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt: Not to be outdone, Brangelina unearths a exotic name, too. And an even more exotic hospital--in Namibia.

Kingston Rossdale: Kids really do make nice accessories. Fashion plate (and rock star) Gwen Stefani brings Kingston with her wherever she goes.

David Banda: Controversy boiled up when Madonna adopted a baby from Malawi. For now, anyway, she's been granted temporary custody.

Dannielynn Stern: Anna Nicole Smith's son, Daniel, died three days after her daughter was born. Almost as sad: two men fight over who's the dad.

Farrah Fawcett: The blonde angel battled cancer, but not alone. Ryan O'Neal is back at her side.

Tiger Woods: The golf great's dad, biggest fan, best friend and coach passed away in May.

Bindi and Terri Irwin: Amazingly self-possesed Bindi won hearts as the world mourned her 'Crocodile Hunter' father.

Tori Spelling: Her father left a $300 million estate, and poor Tori hardly took home a million. That'll teach her to mock mom.

Teri Hatcher: Bravely spoke out about abuse she suffered when she was a girl.

Lindsay Lohan: Let's see: eeny (rehab), meeny (exhaustion), miney ("adequite"), moe (bad daddy)

Dustin Diamond: A.k.a. Screech. We miss the good old days when K-list celebs just ate worms on TV instead of making a sex tape.

Nicole Richie: Eating disorders and DUIs are not funny. Not at all.

Mel Gibson: Made another movie in an obscure language. Silly Mel, when will he learn? Otherwise he had a quiet year. Next.

Michael Richards: There are two acceptable conditions for using the N word: You are black and you are funny. He is neither.

David Hasselhoff: Sorry, Hoff, the only time we sliced our neck open shaving was when we were smashed. What's your excuse again?

Star Jones: It's the golden rule of television: do unto Barbara Walters exactly as Barbara Walters tells you to do unto her. Got it? Not even Payless will have you now.

Paris Hilton: Rather than a recap--we just can't bear any more--let's try a metaphor: if bad behavior were football, her jersey would be retired.

Lance Bass: The boy-band alum finally got 'N Sync with his sexuality.

Neil Patrick Harris: Who cares if he's gay? He'll always be Doogie Howser to us.

T. R. Knight: He's out, and he still gets to sleep with all the hot chicks on "Grey's Anatomy."

Mark Foley: No one wants that kind of solicitation from their congressman, least of all the GOP.

Clay Aiken: Is he gay? He won't say. But Rosie O'Donnell sure thinks he is.