If You Mess With Texas, Texas is so Outta Here

Forget his lame jokes about Miley Cyrus, who's plenty famous enough to take it—Jamie Foxx is here for his wimpy, phony apology. Pal, if you actually have to say "This is sincere," it's not. Score: 35

Kowtowing to an antitax Tea Party crowd, Texas Gov. Rick Perry goes overboard and entertains the idea of secession from the union. "Who knows?" he says, hinting at "a lot of different scenarios." Score: 51

Still, Perry's got nothing on ex-Illinois guv Rod Blagojevich, who really does want out of the country—so he can star in a reality-TV show in Costa Rica. Score: 58