In Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Shia LaBeouf has fallen and he can't get up. After kersplatting out of the sky into the Egyptian desert, his character, Sam, bellows in utter agony. Surely it's his head, or his legs—or at least some major spinal-disc herniation—but quelle surprise! He's injured just a few fingers. His outstretched hand is streaked with blood and caked with sand, and the camera cuts away. Seconds later, when it returns, his girlfriend, Mikaela (Megan Fox), has patched him up with an ER-perfect cast. (Story continued below...)
Good thing Ms. Fox keeps plaster of Paris in her water bra. It's almost like she knew this was going to happen—kind of like the rest of us. The gossip rags told us all about LaBeouf's car collision last July, which left him with both a misdemeanor DUI citation and a maimed left hand. (Police later determined the other driver was at fault.) Director Michael Bay opted not to CGI the clunky bandage out of the movie's remaining half—was he worried about going over his $200 million budget?—and instead wrote LaBeouf's injury into the story.
Only, "wrote" is kind of generous. One second, Sam is bimanual, skittering around the marble halls of the National Air and Space Museum. And the next, he's not.
The question is: does it ruin the movie? Watching Shia in Transformers 2, you can't help but remember the grisly details of his real-life accident. In interviews since the accident, LaBeouf couldn't stop talking about it. He even told reporters that his new pinky is a chunk of his hip bone. What's even more distracting: the injury arrives right when Sam could really use an extra hand in his fight against the evil Decepticons. To save you $12, we took some notes.
With both hands, Sam ...
(1) hugs his mother. He is going off to an elite private college.
(2) hugs his girlfriend. She's going to miss him, too. And because she's Megan Fox, she strips down to a teeny-weeny dress.
(3) studies! He is taking freshman astronomy, after all.
(4) goes to his first frat party. Then he hops into his Camaro for a spin. Be careful, Shia. You don't want to get a DUI. Oops. Never mind.
(5) visits the Air and Space Museum. By this point—yawn—we're more than an hour into Transformers. And finally we get some major Transformers action. We also get ... the injury.
With one hand, Sam ...
(1) runs up the Great Pyramids.
(2) climbs into the temple at Petra.
(3) dives into ditches.
(4) digs through rubble.
(5) pushes his parents toward a Transformer.
(6) jumps from rooftop to rooftop like a character out of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
(7) dies. Spoiler warning. Not like we're spoiling any of the fun—we know there has to be a resurrection in time for Transformers 3. We're asking ourselves, however, if Shia's career will survive.