The Nine Biggest Salon Sinners

With their shiny porcelain sinks, sleek styling stations, and perfectly coiffed employees, salons can feel like a den of perfection and tranquility in a harried, hostile, less-than-perfect world. But the business of good hair has its side of unruly customers and unpleasant outbursts, making for a less-than-ideal experience. From clients blabbing on cell phones the details of their tricky divorce settlements to others who decide it's a perfect time to take a pass out in their chair, we collected some of the most egregious salon offenses. Here are nine of the worst offenders—proving that salon etiquette doesn't end with simply showing up on time.

The Classless Client
A senior stylist at Chicago's Rogue Salon has taken her share of catty clients over the years, but one woman stands out as the worst. "She would hop from stylist to stylist and say very personally demeaning things very loudly about each one. One day, she actually asked if my assistant was a boy or a girl—but she said it in front of my female assistant," Elaine said. "She was horrible."

The Clueless Client
When a first-time client came into Ankeny, Iowa's upscale Anani Salon and Spa hoping for a fresh look and a new start, owner Abbey was happy to help her out. While having her hair styled, the client confessed that she was trying to get her life back on track after years of addiction and a "deadbeat" relationship. What she didn't realize was that a relative of her ex was sitting two seats down. A heated catfight ensued. Abbey thought she had seen the worst of it until two weeks later when the ex-boyfriend's sister came back to tell Abbey the girl had been "taken care of." "I have no idea what that means," Abbey said, "but we never saw her again."

The Very, Very Bad Drunk
According to David, the owner of Boulder, Colo.'s Chicago Hair Salon, there's more than one way to get out of paying for a dye job. Late one evening a half-dressed man stumbled into his salon, requesting a color appointment. Not wanting to discriminate against any potential clients, the salon sat the gentleman down and started the process. Halfway through, the client decided to go out for a cigarette. "It must have been the cigarette that took him over the edge," David said, "Either that, or he went out for another drink." When he came back, he stumbled, swayed, and eventually passed out. The salon called 911. Unfortunately, the client's hair was still covered in color processing. When the medics arrived, the ER team hoisted him on a stretcher, then lifted him over to the shampoo bowls for the stylists to finish rinsing the color from his new 'do. The customer survived, but "we never did get paid for the color," David said.

The Exhibitionist
Apparently, desperate housewives aren't confined to major cities and TV shows. In Grosse Pointe, Mich., "you've got this little pocket of extreme wealth pulling up in their $150,000 car and then getting upset because their eyebrow wax costs a dollar more than they thought it should," Edwin Paul says of a specific client base at his salon. "We also have ladies coming in here in these tiny little tennis outfits that kill me. One day one of them fell asleep under the dryer in her micro-mini skirt with nothing underneath, leaving nothing to the imagination. All I could ask myself was, 'should I go over there and wake her up, or just wait for her color to finish setting?' "

The Exhibitionist By Proxy
In his 35 years in the business, stylist Valentino of Planet Hair in Ft. Myers, Fla., has seen his share of questionable customer expectations (note: even the best stylist cannot change genetics). His most jaw-dropping encounter involved a fantasy cut request from a client who was well into her 70s. When the distinguished older woman with dark gray hair came in with a picture of a young flirty blonde, Valentino was curious but not shocked. "I'm used to people coming with visions of hair that exist only in a fantasy land," Valentino said. Then he realized that half of the picture had curiously been folded down. He asked to see the rest of the shot. Turns out, "it was a Playboy picture." Valentino said, and the model was totally nude. "I don't know if it's because I told her I couldn't make her look like that, or because she was so embarrassed, but needless to say I never saw that woman again," he says.

The Pathetic Parents
Reminder to parents seeking good hair this week—the salon is not a day-care center! Across the country, stylists report being taken advantage of and mistaken for baby sitters. At Georgia's Intrigue Salon, head stylist Casey "almost lost it" when a woman left her newborn child under the care of her 5-year-old son—who proceeded to try to give the baby soda. Most of it landed in the baby's carrier and on the floor: good for Junior's teeth, but not the stylist's sanity. In Michigan, Edwin Paul saw a woman changing a baby's dirty diaper on his office desk. "All I could think is that this woman spent $12,000 here last year. I guess I should just smile and suck it up," Paul said, "but it was pretty terrible."

The Divinely Inspired
Nationally known for his "Clawz" clipping device and stints on Ripley's Believe It or Not, stylist Valentino has developed an extensive following. So he wasn't surprised when a woman from Santa Fe called Florida-based stylist, saying she had been waiting 20 years to get her hair styled by him. The woman arrived with her appointment with a long bob told Valentino to shave it all off, "Twenty years she's waiting for me to give her a nice look and she comes in and wants to get it shaved off?" he said. "She could have gone to a barber shop for that." The client then revealed that God had told her to shave her head. "Oh boy," Valentino said, "how can I go against God?" Dripping with sweat, he took the buzzer machine and shaved her head bald. When it was all over, the pleased customer gave Valentino a 100 percent tip. Valentino, however "didn't sleep for two days, thinking she was going to come back and haunt me for cutting off all her hair," he said.

The Lovelorn Lush
Edwin Paul has learned to take the fact that his salon is located beside a liquor store in stride. "I had a woman coming in here for years I never had a problem with. Then one day in the middle of her hair appointment she decided to run next door for a bottle of wine. A few drinks later suddenly she's telling me all about her life, her marriage, asking if I loved her … We always say—we're cheap psychologists," Paul said. "Or at least less-expensive ones."

You don't have to be a drunk to be a bad client. For less extreme—but more common—bad salon behavior, check out the list of top 10 salon sins on The Human Condition.