Unless you've been living in a cave, you've probably heard the big news: the third Christopher Nolan–helmed Batman flick will be titled The Dark Knight Rises. How thoroughly underwhelming. Unlike the leap from Batman Begins to The Dark Knight, the title of this latest installment lacks freshness and ingenuity, something that's never been the case with Nolan's Batman films themselves. The ensuing ho-hum hullabaloo got us thinking about bad movie-sequel titles. After all, it could be worse—right?
From the 2008 Batman film, directed by Christopher Nolan
Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (2010) Does it nap, then? Go on a tequila bender and collapse into a coma? What about counterfeit bills? We're just trying to wrap our heads around this, Gekko: is greed better when it’s been awake for a solid 72 hours?
2 Fast 2 Furious (2003) This is most definitely the result of a boardroom full of middle-aged execs fumbling nervously with their BlackBerrys in an attempt to understand the newfangled chat abbreviations of teenagers. H8 it, guys. 2M2H, IMHO. L8R! (Confused? Find the translation here.)
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998) And we still remember wanting our $7.25 back after seeing the first movie.
Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous (2005) Because Miss Congeniality 2: I’ve Got a Gun in My La Perla Garter Belt and I’m Not Afraid to Whip It Out for Adorable Effect wouldn’t quite fit on the marquee.
The Land Before Time II: The Great Valley Adventure (1994) Ambiguity abounds! Is this an adventure in a really great valley or is the valley’s name Great Valley? And why are we agonizing over the meaning of a children’s movie about animated dinosaurs?
Alvin & the Chipmunks 2: The Squeakquel (2009) This is not clever, unless you consider the title a sage warning regarding the grating noise that replaces the movie’s dialogue in the brains of all adult audience members.
Nanny McPhee Returns (2010) Like Batman Returns, it only states the obvious. But the original title was even worse: Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang.
Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Revenge of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil, Mutant, Hellbound, Flesh-Eating Subhumanoid Zombified Living Dead, Part 3 (2005) Say this three times in front of a mirror and Bloody Mary will appear behind you wearing a Michael Myers mask, and then attempt to take a bite out of your arm and you’ll have to stab her in the heart with a chainsaw in order to kill her, but she’ll stay dead only if she hasn’t eaten after midnight.