Newsverse: Fast Cash No Credit Check Drive-By Lending

“A Consumer Bill Gives Exemption on Payday Loans”—headline in , March 9, 2010

When the bills can’t wait till payday
When you send up a fiscal Mayday
Call Newsverse Fast-Cash Drive-By Lending!
Drive on through and keep on spending!
We’ll treat you like a long-lost brother
Don’t worry if you need another
Fast-Cash Drive-By Payday Loan
You can borrow on the phone!
If your credit score is zero
If Willie Sutton is your hero
Come on down and have no fear!  “No”
Is a word you’ll never hear! So—
Just pull up and toot your claxons
Collect a stack of Andy Jacksons
You can pay us when convenient
You will find us very lenient*
And at a most alluring rate
Ten percent, or even eight!**

And once your crisis has receded
We will lend you even more
Than you ever thought you needed!
It’s like a game! Who’s keeping score?***

Such close and warm and fond relations
Aren’t made by regulations!
Rules are just a bunch of twaddle
That’s not the Newsverse business model!
We would so much rather coddle
You and always be your friend!
‘Cause friendships never have to end.

*Subject to our sole discretion
All rights remain in our possession
Please ignore this small digression.

**A week, and that’s the beauty part!
Your first loan is just a start!
We do business from the heart!

***We are. See paragraph eleven
Section C, subsection seven:
We’ll track you down in Hell or Heaven.