Kids These Days: Is Texting While Dating a Dealbreaker?

This weekend, I made a cameo appearance in The Boston Globe Magazine's "Coupling" column. Written by the very funny Steve Calechman, the article examines the modern dilemma of texting while dating. Calecheman argues that:

A line needs to be drawn, because keypads have been showing up too often as a third wheel. By no means is this a gender issue, but since I go out with women, they’ve been the culprits. Women texting while walking into the restaurant. Women texting while I go to the bathroom and not stopping before I return. And women having their BlackBerrys on the table, checking mid-conversation.

I don’t think the stuff should be banned. There’s just a time and place when the outside world needs to be shut out, and a first date isn’t a bad place to start.

My take on this topic is that while mid-conversation texting is rude and tacky, I don't think a first date has to exist under some electronic cone of silence. It's nice to get so wrapped up in someone that you don't check the BlackBerry all weekend, but that's a privilege usually reserved for a few weeks after date one. In the meantime, why shouldn't I check my e-mail while you're off at the bar getting drinks? 

Or, as I'm quoted in the article (I am the "young friend" born into an era of technological advancements), “What, should we just sit there quietly while you go to the bathroom?”

The overwhelming answer, from both Calechman and the article's commenters, is yes. Calechman just wants some undivided attention, and promises the same in return. In the comments, readers make several valid points—for instance, that few things are so important that it can't wait two hours. That many of these comments are served with a healthy dose of  "kids these days!" bellyaching may be unavoidable when anyone over 40 talks about technology relative to the Way Things Were Before. To wit: 

The problem with incessant texters (and those who feel that if their cell phone makes a noise, they MUST answer or respond to it, regardless of the time, place or circumstances) is that they believe instant gratification takes too long. Be in the moment; it's so much more interesting and rewarding. Just a suggestion..

Kids don't even learn the way around town anymore because they don't notice the drive ... I don't think it's too much to ask, to be without a texting service on a date. Is it really that difficult to devote a few hours to one person? And yeah, before cell phones, you would just "sit there" when your date went to the bathroom.. God, it's insane.

It's neurotic and another sign that our society is going the way of the Romans! I don't agree that you "need" to check indiscreetly in the bathroom─again, babyish, impatient, impulsive, obsessive, and pretty soon we'll all be walking around sucking our thumbs. There was a time that only M.D.s wore pagers.

I admit that I'm more addicted to constant connectivity than most, and that I needn't check my cell as often as I do. But in defending texts at the table, I'm not arguing for the right to a IM chat with my sister whilst a winsome young man tries to tell me about the death of his childhood cat. Instead, I think the realities of these modern times means that one can still be very interested, attuned, and attentive to one's date and still occasionally send a text when a free moment presents itself. Note that one of the commenters says she totally agrees with Calechman, and never reads a text during a date—unless, of course, it's from her kids. But her kids would never text unless it was an emergency—unless, of course, they just wanted a report on her suitor. Arguing about going back to the dating rituals that existed before cell phones seems quixotic, like talking about the good old days when soda pop only cost a nickel.

And yet, I am almost utterly alone (and babyish, and impatient, and impulsive) in my defense of texting on dates. The lone dissenting voice in the comments of the Globe article is another under-30 texter, who makes (among others) a point about safety:

As a recently-off-the-market online dater, I ALWAYS had someone check in with me via text during my first few dates with a new person because I wanted to be safe. If my date is in the bathroom and I can send a quick "everything OK, so far not an axe murderer" to my designated rescuer, and my date was none the wiser, how on earth is that rude? That's just common sense.

On a related note, I have found that the Blackberry can actually make for a very useful dating companion. The GPS has helped avoid potentially mood-killing directional snafus, and the availability of a pocket Internet browser has lead to more spirited debate, sexy little side bets stemming from first-date chitchat ("If the Gabriel García Márquez wrote The Unbearable Lightness of Being, I'm buying dessert") and the ability to check sports scores or news outcomes without leaving your date's side—something that inevitably happened prior to the advent of the smartphone. Like all other technologies, the ubiquity of these devices has eliminated some inconveniences while creating others. And while there are more pressing debates going on about the role of texting in society (see this Sunday's New York Times cover story on the dangers of texting while driving), none of them quote me as a source.

So whose side are you on, tech-savvy readers?  Should the smartphone stay nestled in its case for the entirety of a date? Can an ill-placed text irrevocably change your opinion of a potential partner? Will my tech-loving ways leave me old and alone, with nothing but the warm glow of my BlackBerry to keep me warm at night? School me in the ways of text etiquette below.