Swine Flu: So Hot Right Now! Cosmo Dishes on the Best Sex Positions to Fight H1N1

Now, the women's magazine is branching into other aspects of epidemiology: namely swine-flu prevention. In the December issue, Cosmo calls H1N1 "the virus everyone's talking about" (OMG! acute viral nasopharyngitis must be so jealous!), and provides readers with a handy chart on how to stay healthy this holiday season. First tip? Rely on the reverse cowgirl to keep illnesses at bay.

The entire chart is sourced to a CDC spokesperson (not a doctor) and a practicing M.D. And while it's almost a parody of a Cosmo article─we had to send an intern to the newsstand to make sure it was for real─it's not apocryphal. Ridiculous, yes, but not false. The tip about the arm squeeze instead of a bear hug is actually a nice workaround for people trying to avoid germs (or the creepy hugs of in-laws) during the holidays without feeling too antisocial.  And there probably is a slightly reduced risk of inhaling airborne H1N1 spores if you are facing away from your partner during sex. (I say probably because the NIH has yet to fund a definitive study on H1N1 as it pertains to the "23 Bedroom-Busting Positions You Need to Try Tonight.")

Of course, the sex tip only works if you decide to forgo all kissing during intercourse, Pretty Woman style. And there's even less of a risk of contracting swine flu if you abstain from sex with your ailing partner together. (Apparently, Cosmo and H1N1 have turned me into an abstinence proponent!) Chances are, your main squeeze will only be out of commission for a week or so. In the meantime, maybe make some chicken soup and stop pressuring him or her for sex, OK?