Say what you will about 2011, at least it wasn’t boring. It was a year of exhilarating highs and crushing lows, of galloping heroes and sneering, hideous villans. The royal couple had their fairy-tale wedding. The skeevy former governor of California got the public shaming he deserved. The worst guy on the planet was shot in the face by a strapping Navy SEAL. Geronimo!
Of course, it wasn’t all sweet justice and pretty princesses dancing in Buckingham Palace. It was also a year of deep uncertainty, of revolution without resolution. People stormed into the streets, fighting economic inequality, throwing off brutal dictatorships, demanding change. Congress got us to the brink of a government shutdown, then, a few months later, did it again. It’s been a full 12 months of having a low-grade but persistent feeling that we might just be on the verge of total meltdown. It’s been exhausting.
But we haven’t collapsed—not yet. Europe is still hanging together, thanks to the herculean efforts of German Chancellor Angela Merkel. We’ve tiptoed out of Iraq, led from behind in Libya, and now we look on hopefully as the Middle East battles its way toward a distant peace. In America, after a reality-show primary, we are on the verge of having an actual Republican presidential nominee. Ketchup may be a vegetable again, but pepper spray isn’t. These are real things to be thankful for.
Like every year in recent memory, 2011 was also a time of men behaving badly. Business has never been better for Gloria Allred, ringmaster of 2010’s Tiger Woods debacle, which now seems like just a curtain raiser for Anthony Weiner, Herman Cain, Charlie Sheen, and Dominique Strauss-Kahn. By the way, can 2012 please be the year politicians stop taking cellphone pictures of their genitalia?
Perhaps the biggest unqualified winner of 2011 is a 24- year-old virgin. Tim Tebow, God’s quarterback, has driven his team to a string of miraculous victories. Now teenagers around the country are “Tebowing”—bending down on one knee, as he does, in prayer position. You know what teenagers are not doing? Boehnering. (As much as everyone loves Tebow, they hate Congress. Fail!)
Join us as we celebrate the winners and jeer the losers of this epic year. And all hail 2012! You couldn’t have come soon enough.
