The Audience with Dame Helen Mirren playing the Queen is the best show in London right now—but she upstaged herself on Saturday night when she stormed out of the theatre to tell a troupe of drummers noisily playing in the street outside to 'shut the f*** up".

In full costume.

As one object of her ire, promoter Joe O’Leary, 32, who was at the drumming parade, told The Sun: “It was strange to see this little woman in tiara and pearls shouting like that. It’s not the behaviour you’d expect from the Queen.”

When people ask Kate Middleton, “Are you having a boy or a girl?” do you think she screws up her features and replies, “I hope so,” with a sarcastic face?

Probably not, because she's far too polite, but you wouldn’t blame the girl would you?

Then again, the British public do have a pretty good excuse for being so interested. Its not pure prurience. The sex of a first born royal baby has for many centuries been a constituional matter of pivotal importance to the future of the monarchy and the state, and although the laws of succession have now been changed, meaning that whatever the gender of the baby, it will become third in line to the throne after William, old habits die hard.

Despite rumours that Cressida was getting cold feet due to marriage pressure, Prince Harry was spotted by members of  London’s twitter army  out partying last night with his new girlfriend at London club Bodo’s Schloss – a highly ironic fake ski cabin attached to the Royal Garden Hotel, on the edge of Kensington Gardens, conveniently within swerving distance of Harry’s digs at Kensington Palace. Also sourcing info is the Royalists beloved online detective HWW.

Harry knocked back shots at the bar with other clubbers according to the social media sharers and partied the night away with his pal Tom Van Straubenzee. Attentive readers of the Royalist will recall that Van is the man to whose rescue Harry swooped when he heard him being mugged as he chatted to him on the phone. Tom, who is an investor in the club with owner Piers Adam, was with his fiancé, Missy Percy. Harry and William went to a local pub in the English countryside last weekend to celebrate their forthcoming marriage in what they told other drinkers was a stag weekend.

Bodo’s is rapidly becoming the venue of choice for the young royals. Earlier this week, 24-year-old Princess Beatrice partied at Bodo's in a tight, leather miniskirt. Beatrice completed her going-out ensemble with a cream sweater, bow belt and a plastic pink Zara clutch.

Why can't anyone paint the royal family just looking...nice?

The latest portrait of the Queen was unveiled at the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff yesterday painted by artist Dan Llywelyn Hall.

Hall, at 32, is believed to be the youngest of 132 portraitists who have painted the Queen.

The new King and Queen of Holland have been raving, and in other musical royal news it has been revealed that Prince Harry’s Sentebale garden at the Chelsea Flower Show later this month will have a soundtrack.

Jinny Blom, who is designing the garden for the prince, tells The Telegraph, “He doesn’t like to encroach too much, but he did say it was lacking music."

It's unlikely to be Armin Van Buuren rocking the flower show, however.

I know! There is a headline the Royalist never thought he would write. But it's 100% true, as this euphoria-heavy video shows.

The new King and Queen of Holland proved their determination to preside over a younger, more dynamic monarchy by making their first public appearance as monarchs at a giant rave hosted by the much-loved king of cheesy Dutch rave music Armin Van Buuren last night.

If you look carefully, there's a brief moment where Queen Maxima starts to throw some shapes.

Only in Holland, folks.

The stresses of parenting have clearly taken their toll on this couple, the grey hair, the lines of worry and age.

But we hope that Kate and Will age more like fine wines, and do rather better than forecast in this projection, produced by the (republican?) folks at myvouchercodes.co.uk.

The Queen’s eating habits have always been a rather fascinating subject, and this morning, lovers of this particular branch of esoteric royal trivia are in for a treat with an interview in The Telegraph with former royal chef Darren McGrady, who worked for the Royal family for 15 years – for Her Majesty until 1993, and for Diana, Princess of Wales, before her death in 1997.

Mr McGrady, 50, who was trained up in the royal household working as a carrot-peeler for the royal horses (I know) discloses that you “never put garlic in the Queen’s menu, for example, or strong onions or paprika, because she hates them.”

From The Telegraph:

Carole Middleton is the subject of a major profile in this month’s new edition of British society mag Tatler, who have a special royal baby edition out tomorrow.

In the piece, a parent whose child was at school with Kate and Pippa at Marlborough College, says that even then the perfect Middletons had a way of making other people feel inadequate.

The mother told Tatler magazine: "There was always something slightly galling about having your child at school with the Middletons. Every pristine item of their clothing would have a beautifully sewn-in name tape, for instance. There were huge picnics at sports day; the smartest tennis rackets, that kind of thing. It made other families feel rather hopeless."

With a tear in her eye but a brave smile on her face, the Queen of the Netherlands abdicated at 10:30am this morning in favour of her son, the new King Willem-Alexander.

Queen Beatrix, 75, winked at her son, Willem-Alexander, as the official Abdication Act was put in front of her for her last signature as monarch.

All 17 members of the House of Orange-Nassau were seated around a large table covered with a red cloth in the Moses Room of the Royal Palace in Amsterdam for this morning’s simple ceremony.

The upcoming June issue of Tatler magazine (on sale Thursday 2nd May) is a Royal Baby Special with a “What to Expect...” feature, which is an open letter of sorts to Kate, with everything she needs to know in the lead up to giving birth, including such gems as:

- Suggesting Kate carry a marrow swathed in cashmere blankets (instead of the baby) upon exiting the hospital, to avoid any mishaps caught on camera by the waiting paps.

- Warning her to have a second dress on hand for the christening, in case of any leaking nipples/baby spit up accidents.

American readers might not believe it, but there was a certain sense of astonishment when reports first started to filter out that Kate might be having a baby shower.

The custom is not so big this side of the pond.

Is this woman pregnant? I think she most definitely is.

Seems like only last week Kate was barely showing, but today Kate Middleton's rapidly expanding belly was centre stage as the young royal mom-to-be visited a kids hospice on the second anniversary of her wedding. William is on duty flying rescue 'copters in Anglesea so there is to be no romantic dinner tonight.

Kate  wore a $500 Tara Jarmon coat for her engagement at Naomi House children’s hospice in Hampshire.

The nurse who killed herself after being hoaxed into connecting a call from two Australian radio DJ's to Kate Middleton's room left a note directly blaming the two radio DJs.

The note, which emerged publicly this weekend ahead of the official inquest into her death said: "I hold the Radio Australians Mel Greig and Michael Christian responsible for this act. Please make them pay for my mortgage."

The two DJs have since returned to work in low-profile positions.

Mrs Saldanha  took her own life last December. just three days after she transferred the hoax call to a ward nurse.

William and Kate truly let their hair down on a tour of the new Warner Bros studio in the UK today, taking part in a Harry Potter-style wand duel on a day of fun and games while experiencing the movie giant's new visitor tour.

The young royals - along with their brother Harry -  were introduced to Harry Potter author JK Rowling and the  couple  were given a lesson in how to cast spells with wands - then duelled against each other.