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MAMMOTH IDIOCY

Creationists Kill Fossil Bill

Sergei Karpukhin/Reuters

Eight-year-old Olivia McConnell’s idea to have the woolly mammoth become the state fossil of South Carolina is being blocked by two senators, who want to amend the proposed bill to emphasize God created all creatures.

When eight-year-old Olivia McConnell was perusing a menu at a restaurant that features all 50 of the official symbols of her home state of South Carolina, she noticed a glaring vacancy. South Carolina has a State American Folk Dance, a State Grass, a State Opera, even a State Lowcountry Handcraft, but—no offense to square dancing, Indian grass, Porgy and Bess, or sweet grass baskets intended—McConnell thought something was missing: a state fossil.

OOPS

Colbert Caught in Twitter Storm

Scott Gries/PictureGroup

A Tweet from his show joking about ‘the Ching-Chong Ding-Dong Foundation for Sensitivity to Orientals or Whatever’ provoked fury on Twitter aimed at Stephen Colbert. He says it was nothing to do with him.

We can add Stephen Colbert to a long list of professional funny people who have leapt off the comedy high-diving board, hoping that there’s water in the pool, only to crash into dry cement.        Rosie O’Donnell, Jimmy Kimmel, Gilbert Gottfried, The Onion, and many other standups have been compelled to abjectly apologize, lose their jobs, explain themselves or otherwise suffer severe pain for their ill-fated attempts to make people laugh.        In Colbert’s case, he seems to have been pushed off the high-dive by the Comedy Central public relations staff, who provoked a racially outraged firestorm after tweeting a bit of satire from Wednesday night’s Colbert Report without any context or humorous affect.

Capital Offense

Snyder’s Trail of Crocodile Tears

George Gojkovich/Getty

The Beltway’s NFL owner can buy winter coats for Native Americans until the end of time, and it won’t change the fact that his team’s name is indefensible.

Some weeks ago, I was talking with a few neighbors of mine here in Montgomery County, Maryland. They’re older. Somehow Washington football club owner Dan Snyder came up in conversation. Turns out a few of them had kids who’d gone to high school with Snyder. Any juicy stories, I wondered. They shook their heads: No. In fact, they told me, when Snyder took over the team, and it said in the paper where and when he graduated, they asked their children.

New Rule

Bill Maher for Congress?


The Daily Beast

It’s not so far-fetched. Political comedians are already grassroots political candidates.

Bill Maher wants your vote for Congress this November. No, Maher’s name won’t be on the ballot, at least not yet. Maher recently announced his “Flip a District” contest where he will pick one “terrible, entrenched” member of Congress and “see if we can’t send him scuttling under the refrigerator on Election Night.” (Translation: Beat him)  The contest is now heating up after Maher announced on his HBO show last Friday the first two House members under consideration to be chosen as the big “winner.

CONTROL

Can Boys Be ‘Coerced’ Into Sex?

Jonathan Cavendish/Corbis

The notion of teenage boys as sexual aggressors is so engrained, the results of a new study, which reveal that they are being coerced into sex by girls and young women, will surprise many.

There was nothing outwardly headline-grabbing about Bryana H. French’s latest study, published in the august and largely unread pages of Psychology of Men and Masculinity, an academic journal that typically reaches an audience of dozens. While her findings were depressing, they were depressingly banal: according to French and her team of researchers at the University of Missouri, “sexual victimization continues to be a pervasive problem in the United States.

Confessions

9 Strangest Taco Bell AMA Moments

Keith Bedford/Reuters

Taco Bell president Brian Niccol claims he doesn’t know what “4/20” means and swears the fast food chain gets its meat from real cows. The best answers from Taco Bell’s Reddit AMA.

Reddit users worldwide went loco for the opportunity to ask the president of Taco Bell anything. Naturally, the chat room was filled with sarcasm, but Brian Niccol—celebrating the launch of Taco Bell’s breakfast menu—proved he could hold his own with the trolls. Now that the crumbs have settled, The Daily Beast takes a look at some of the funniest questions—and best answers—from the Taco Bell AMA.Q: What’s the worst thing about being the president of Taco Bell?A: It is the greatest job ever.

Crisis

Waiting for Death in Washington

Rick Wilking/Reuters

With bodies recovered from the landslide but no names released, the town of Oso hopes for the best and anticipates the worst.

On the fifth day after a tremendous mudslide buried a portion of a village nestled in the bottom of a picturesque western Washington river valley, anxious residents received sobering news.The list of the missing—which had once been as high as 220 and on Tuesday sat at 176—has been definitively reduced to 90 names. Another list includes 35 names about which “we just don’t know,” said a Snohomish County official at a press briefing Wednesday evening.

STEALTH FIGHTER

The Dramatic Life of Joy Reid

William B. Plowman/NBC, via Getty

Ronan Farrow may have gotten all the attention, but another new anchor at MSNBC started the same day as him. And Joy Reid’s life story is every bit as colorful as his.

Joy Reid loves the sweet science of boxing because “it’s a sport, even at the turn of the 20th century, where a black man could beat up a white man in front of an entire crowd and not get lynched.”        The even-tempered Reid—whose month-old program The Reid Report airs weekday afternoons on MSNBC—describes the Tea Party as a movement that “under the surface is about cross-racial resentment…a great industry in hatred and anger and self-victimization…There’s a lot of money in it.

BOOZEHOUNDS

Secret Service, Drunk Again

Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg via Getty

Just two years after releasing new sanctions about boozing off-hours, another one of the president’s men is found passed out drunk—in Amsterdam of all places. Time to sober up, guys.

A Secret Service scandal in 2012 involving alcohol and prostitutes led to new rules specifying that, while traveling for work, “alcohol may only be consumed in moderate amounts.” Now, the agency is in the spotlight again after an agent was reportedly found passed out inebriated on the floor of an Amsterdam hotel last Sunday, only hours ahead of the president’s arrival in the country.Tuesday night, Secret Service spokesman Ed Donovan acknowledged that the agency “did send three employees home for disciplinary reasons.

UNGOOP

What’s ‘Conscious Uncoupling’?

Mario Magnani/Getty

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have announced their intention to ‘consciously uncouple’—whatever that means. But could something quite sensible lie behind this hokey-sounding separation cleanse?

For Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, there will be no clothes thrown out of windows, car tires slashed, and screaming confrontations on the street. No, unsurprisingly for this queen of all things holistic—who once heard rocks talking to her—even the breakdown of her marriage must come, as they say, from a good place. As revealed in a break-up statement on her website Goop, she and Martin have decided to “consciously uncouple.”Consider yourself in good company if you think this sounds like one of those hippy-dippy expressions new-agers say in the heat of the Los Angeles sun, and in response everyone around them just nods politely while thinking, “Yeah, good luck with whatever that is.

Who Is Frazier Glenn Miller?

Daily Beast editor-in-chief John Avlon dissects the story of Miller, a 'nightmare image' of 'hate groups nestled in the heartland' who went on a Kansas killing spree on Sunday.

  1. Buried in Mud, Washington Grieves Play

    Buried in Mud, Washington Grieves

  2. Winter Wonderland on the Border Play

    Winter Wonderland on the Border

  3. The Spoiled Generation Play

    The Spoiled Generation

THE LATEST

Russian Spy Planes in U.S. Skies

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Russian surveillance planes already fly over America, thanks to a long-standing treaty. But a new, ultra-sophisticated spy plane has U.S. military and intelligence bosses spooked.

Re-Entry

Christie: Pro-Life for Prisoners

House Divided

Cantor’s Passover Slam of Obama

MAZEL TOV!

Hillary’s New Title: Grandma

Girl Power

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