Who Should Maria Shriver Date Now?

After 34 years together, Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger are separating. Since it’s been so long since she’s been in the dating game, The Daily Beast plays matchmaker and finds her best suitors, from Al Gore to Prince Harry to Transformers’ Optimus Prime.

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Tim Robbins

They both had breakups after 20-plus years with their significant others, so what better way for Tim Robbins and Maria Shriver to help each heal than to date? Robbins and his partner of 21 years, Susan Sarandon, split in 2009—breaking up one of the most outspoken liberal couples in Hollywood. If Shriver misses the political debate, she and Robbins certainly can talk about his endorsement of John Edwards in the 2007 election. But there’s one hitch: Robbins is a lifelong Mets fan, while Shriver is a lifelong Red Sox fan. Better stay away from any talk of the 1986 World Series, then.

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Paul Allen

If there’s anything The Social Network taught us, it’s that becoming a billionaire is the best revenge—so imagine dating a billionaire? Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen quit the company in 1983, and although he had little to do with it afterward, he owned enough stock that today he is worth some $13 billion. With a new memoir out, Idea Man, Allen has been described as mysterious and asocial, and dating him may be bit of a challenge for Shriver, as Allen also has been described as “ bitter.” But perhaps a new love interest will change his outlook.

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Prince Harry

Sure, Shriver is almost 30 years older than Prince Harry—but who can deny some of their similarities? Harry’s family may be real British royalty, but Shriver’s is known as “American royalty.” Harry and Shriver can bond over their high-powered grandparents: her grandfather, Joseph Kennedy, was the ambitious businessman who raised a generation of leaders and his grandmother is, of course, the queen. Their families have both been marred by tragedy—Prince Harry’s mother, Diana, had a tragic demise, and Shriver has lost many of her family members to the “ Kennedy Curse.” There’s one hitch, though, to marriage: Harry is constitutionally barred from marrying a Roman Catholic, so Shriver would either have renounce her faith, as Harry’s cousin-in-law, Autumn Kelly, did when she married 11th in line to the throne, Peter Philips—or Harry would have to give up his birthright.

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Alec Baldwin

If there’s anyone to give some guidance about a painful, public divorce, it’s Alec Baldwin. The actor wrote a memoir A Promise to Ourselves: A Journey Through Fatherhood and Divorce in 2008 about his ugly divorce from actress Kim Basinger. Baldwin and Shriver also share the same political views: They were both early backers of Barack Obama’s campaign. If they run out of things to talk about, there are always NBC jokes, as Shriver worked at the network for more than 20 years and Baldwin’s 30 Rock character, Jack Donaghy, is a master at poking fun at his employer. But Baldwin might not be single after all, as the actor was photographed in March with a mystery blonde.

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Keith Olbermann

Having been married to a famous loudmouth, Shriver might want to stay away from this latest bachelor. Then again, at least this time Shriver would agree with her partner’s politics, given that Keith Olbermann is perhaps one of the country’s most influential liberals. The former MSNBC host is on his way back up, too, as his Current TV show debuts on June 20. Olbermann certainly has a soft spot for NBC reporters, as his former live-in girlfriend, Katy Tur, worked at NBCU Weather Channel before going to work at WNBC. But before Olbermann settled down with Tur, his dating life was a frequent staple of Page Six, so it might not be the best place for Shriver to privately lick her wounds.

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Leonardo DiCaprio

There’s nothing like a person in the same emotional stage of rebound. Leonardo DiCaprio and Israeli model Bar Refaeli split on May 12, only three days after Shriver and Schwarzenegger announced their separation. And DiCaprio has plenty in common with Shriver: He’s Catholic, he’s a big supporter of environmental causes, and they both supported Barack Obama in 2008. DiCaprio owns a home in Shriver’s native Los Angeles, but he also owns an apartment in New York City, where much of Shriver’s extended family lives.

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Donny Deutsch

Some say Arnold embodies the American Dream—so who better to fill his shoes than CNBC’s Donny Deutsch, host of The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch… Your Daily Roadmap to The American Dream? According to Deutsch, the American Dream is “doing what you love, and making millions.” Doesn’t sound too far off from the life Maria and Arnold used to live. But millions are just pennies for the CNBC host, who’s also Chairman of Deutsch Inc., a $2.8 billion advertising agency whose clients include GM, Johnson & Johnson, and IKEA. He’s also the author of Often Wrong, Never in Doubt, a classic business motivation book. Newsweek reviewed it in 2005, noting that Deutsch’s “trademark candor can be cringe-inducingly un-P.C. … But it’s refreshing when he applies it to his agency’s and his own successes and failures.” That statement could pretty much sum up Arnold Schwarzenegger’s political career. Maria, meet your next lean, mean fighting machine.

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Al Gore

They both may be on the rebound— Al and Tipper Gore split in 2010 after 40 years of marriage—but Gore and Maria Shriver may be a match made in liberal heaven. Both started their careers in journalism before eventually turning to causes: he to environmentalism, and she to women’s rights. They might be the yin to each other’s yang, as Shriver reportedly is still recovering from the recent deaths of both her parents, while Gore is currently on a surge with a Current TV bounce and new book coming out in 2012. But there might be one deterrent to a match: between Gore and Shriver, they have eight children.

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A Navy SEAL

There’s really nothing the Navy SEALs can do wrong. Who needs a bodybuilder when you can have a man who has one of the most ferocious workouts ever? SEALs train for two years—an agonizing regimen that combines physical and mental workouts to prepare for battle stress. And any of them most definitely could defend Shriver’s honor in a fight with anybody: SEAL teams picked off three Somali pirates and of course, they took out Osama bin Laden.

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Frank McCourt

If Shriver is up for a challenge, Frank McCourt is right up her alley. When McCourt purchased the Dodgers in 2004, he named his wife, Jamie McCourt, CEO—making her the only female baseball CEO. Their 2009 breakup—wherein McCourt accused of her having an affair with a bodyguard, and even changed the locks at her office to keep her out—is considered one of the contributing factors to the team’s demise. If Shriver could help rehabilitate McCourt and thus the Dodgers, she would be a true California heroine. And McCourt is even Catholic and from Boston originally, so he and Shriver have a few things in common.

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Jim Carrey

Maybe Jim Carrey has picked up some tips about breakups from his role in 2004’s Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, arguably one of the best breakup movies ever. Carrey split from actress Jenny McCarthy in 2010, after nearly five years together. Since then, Carrey’s publicist recently insisted the actor is “single and dating,” despite reports that he was still in love with McCarthy. Carrey almost never discusses politics, so whether he would agree with Shriver’s views is unknown. But he has described Burmese Nobel Peace Prize winner Aung San Suu Kyi as one of his personal heroes and has also worked on environmental issues.

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Tony Danza

Although Danza filed for divorce just in March 2011, he’s not recently single, as he and wife, Tracy Danza, have been separated since 2006. Danza has some similarities with Schwarzenegger: Danza is a registered Republican and while he’s not a bodybuilder, he was a professional boxer in the 1970s. Both Shriver and Danza are later-in-life career changers, as she left journalism in 2003 and started a nonprofit, while Danza tried his hand at teaching in 2009-10, as part of the reality show Teach: Tony Danza. If Shriver were to date Danza, she would never have to worry about food: The Italian-American penned a cookbook in 2009 called Don’t Fill Up On the Antipasto: Tony Danza’s Father-Son Cookbook.

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Aaron Schock

If Shriver’s 34-year relationship with Schwarzenegger is an indicator of her taste, a Republican in great shape is just her type. Enter Aaron Schock, the Republican congressman from Illinois who recently graced the cover of Men’s Health to promote his abs, er, his healthful lifestyle program. Schock also has some of that bad-boy image that Schwarzenegger had in his early days: He has been photographed poolside with a mystery blonde—photos that made it all the way to TMZ.

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Justin Timberlake

Yes, there’s a 25-year age gap. But Justin Timberlake famously declared himself a “mother lover” in a 2009 Saturday Night Live skit, albeit doing so while in character. Timberlake is one of America’s most eligible bachelors since his split with Jessica Biel—though Timberlake is dogged by infidelity rumors. Shriver and Timberlake can always discuss politics, as Timberlake, too, campaigned for Barack Obama in 2008. And there’s always Timberlake’s breakup anthem, “Cry Me a River,” for the pair to listen to.

Rainier Wolfcastle

True, it didn’t work out with the real Arnold Schwarzenegger, but what about his doppelganger? Although technically married to Maria Wolfcastle, The Simpsons’ Rainier Wolfcastle, Springfield’s Austrian bodybuilder and actor, is based on Schwarzenegger—and even ran for mayor in the town’s recall election. But unlike Schwarzenegger, Wolfcastle has been in recent movies that have not fared very well at the box office, meaning he has turned to comedies—and even standup comedy.

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Levi Johnston

With Levi Johnston throwing his hat in the ring as a mayoral candidate in Wasilla, he’s a bona fide politician now. Although Johnston is 34 years Shriver’s junior, he is almost a published author—his memoir, Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs, comes out in September—and he’s a former hockey player. But Shriver should beware in the event there’s a messy breakup: Johnston has pretty much made a career of playing the wounded ex to Bristol Palin’s single power-mother.

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Dwayne Johnson (The Rock)

Dwayne Johnson (aka the Rock) also fits Shriver’s criteria of being a body builder, and a Republican. His career has mimicked Schwarzenegger’s in other ways too, as Johnson started acting after his time as a professional wrestler (although Johnson announced in 2011 he would return to the WWE). But Johnson considers Schwarzenegger “ a friend for a long time.” so Shriver better check how well Johnson sticks to the “man code” of not dating friend’s exes.

A Transformer Autobot

It may seem out there, but Shriver has already dated—and married—the Terminator, the ‘90s blockbuster robot, so why not one of the Autobots? The Autobots, led by Optimus Prime, joined forces with the Shia LaBeouf hero, Sam Witwicky, to defeat the evil Deceptor. With the third sure-to-be blockbuster movie coming out, who better for Shriver than Optimus Prime, or maybe his faithful scout, Bumblebee? It might be a sacrifice to date a robot, but as Sam learned early on in Transformers: “No sacrifice, no victory.”