“Some of our thickest-headed politicians have been passing the time by spreading nonsense about the coronavirus,” Jimmy Kimmel said in the latest “quarantine minilogue” from his home on Tuesday.
He began with Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick, who argued to Tucker Carlson on Monday that, in Kimmel’s words “old people are willing to go to an early grave in order to help boost the stock market.”
“And that doesn’t make me noble or brave or anything like that,” Patrick said on Fox News.
“No, it makes you an idiot,” Kimmel replied, before adding, “I shouldn’t say it makes you an idiot. It reveals to us that you are an idiot.”
“Unfortunately, the lieutenant governor isn’t alone in this moron-athon,” the host continued, moving on to President Trump’s Fox News “town hall” event during which he said he plans to have the country open for business by Easter.
“By Easter?! That’s in two and half weeks!” Kimmel said. “Even Jesus is like, ‘Jesus, calm down, let’s think this through.’ We’re all going to die so the president can eat Peeps.”
Finally, Kimmel shared the news with viewers that first lady Melania Trump has tested negative for the coronavirus. “Of course she has,” he said. “She’s been six feet away from her husband since Stormy Daniels. Their marriage was the inventor of social distancing.”
For more, listen and subscribe to The Last Laugh podcast.