“This is what our penny-colored president is up to,” offered Jimmy Kimmel on Thursday night. “While racial injustice is tearing our country apart, he’s going to war with Twitter.”
Indeed, instead of calming the nation in the wake of the death of George Floyd—an unarmed black man suspected of committing the high crime of allegedly trying to pay for groceries with a counterfeit bill—by Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin, who knelt on the man’s neck for nine excruciating minutes until he went limp, President Trump has chosen to focus most of his attention on Twitter. On Thursday, he issued an executive order “preventing online censorship” because the social network flagged one of his (many) misleading tweets.
“This is crazy. This would be like if he declared war on Arby’s because they said there were 550 calories in his curly fries,” cracked Kimmel, adding, “In a nutshell, the president is mad at an app on his phone and is using the power of his office to retaliate. This is what’s on his mind as the death toll from a virus is over 100,000 now and people are rioting in the streets.”
“And by the way, if he’s so mad at Twitter, why doesn’t he stop using it? He can’t—because he loves it!” he continued. “He loves mashing those angry little thumbs!”
But it wasn’t the president’s preoccupation with Twitter and his claims of “censorship” that’s most captivated Kimmel of late; rather, it’s the president’s incredibly bizarre Leaning Tower of Trump posture.
“When I see him on TV now, I have a hard time thinking about anything else: Our president is lopsided,” said Kimmel. “When he stands up straight, it isn’t straight—he’s kind of off-kilter. He’s bent.”
“And he has the nerve to call Hillary crooked! He looks like an upside-down bowling pin teetering on the edge of the gutter. I mean, look at this man! It would seem the bone spurs have finally spread throughout his whole body.”