We’ve all heard the phrase “talk to your doctor,” but when it comes to having to break the ice and open up about our sex lives, most women don’t. Although society has progressed in terms of having some open conversations about sex, there still is somewhat of a taboo surrounding the topic, even in clinical settings.
Every women has wondered at one point or another what exactly was going on down there—whether itching and burning sensations, vaginal dryness, a decreased libido or pain during intercourse. We want answers, and have right to feel seen, heard, understood and educated by professionals and experts in their field.
Dr. Lauren Streicher, an OB/GYN professor at Northwestern University and founding medical director of the Center for Sexual Medicine and Menopause, says women need more than just a lesson on anatomy.
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“Oh my god, don’t talk to your doctor. Your doctor is not going to tell you anything… talk to an expert in sexual medicine,” said Dr. Streicher, who stresses that understanding your sexual health means understanding the science of sex and how factors like hormones, stress, aging and lifestyle shape your experience. “Most (primary care) doctors do not have training in sexual medicine and can’t be particularly helpful,” she added.
Most of our initial understandings of sex begins in an awkward, puberty-fueled classroom, learning primarily how not to get pregnant or contract STIs. (This education is also almost entirely focused on heterosexual sex—one man and one woman.) We are often left with a false representation of what sex should look and feel like; myths regarding what is “normal,” what a partner expects and how often women “should” be having sex are widely spread despite not having a basis in fact.
And much like our own sex-ed education, sexual health in medical school becomes a course many physicians are left to navigate on their own.
“Medical education today is the same as it was 50 years ago,” said Dr. Erika Schwartz, a NYC based preventative care specialist and author of the book The Intimacy Solution: Life Lessons in Sex and Love, who believes this leaves too many doctors educationally unprepared to advise patients on their sexual health.
”You want somebody who can listen to you, who can notice you as an individual and your own personal story,” Schwartz explained, suggesting women instead ask their primary care doctor for referrals—to therapists and psychiatrists who specialize in sexual health, for example.
Instead of waving a white flag and surrendering, “you just need to get into the hands of an expert,” added Streicher.
Many such professionals are available to share their expertise and support.
Mental health professionals, such as sex therapists, are equipped to address the social, physiological and psychological aspects linked to sexual problems or concerns- trauma, communication and relationship difficulties.
Sexual health specialists, such as OB/GYNs can treat patients who have physical concerns surrounding sexual function.
So ask better questions, demand better answers—and most importantly, give yourself some grace and permission to want to learn more. Not just about sex, but more clarity that would lead you to a better connection and pleasure. But most importantly, sexual health specialists who want to know that they’re there to help.
“Learn your body and enjoy your body,” says Dr. Schwartz, “because if you have self-confidence, you will enjoy it, regardless of age.”
