Two weeks after the story first broke, Seth Meyers still can’t believe that more people aren’t talking about the $130,000 that President Donald Trump’s lawyer allegedly paid porn star Stormy Daniels to keep their apparent 2006 affair a secret.
But the aspect of this saga that seems to bug the Late Night host the most is the fact the Trump’s evangelical base—“those self-proclaimed defenders of morality”—couldn’t care less. This week, Family Research Council head Tony Perkins addressed the scandal by saying that Christian conservatives were willing to give Trump a “mulligan” on his indiscretions.
“Ah yes,” Meyers said, “it’s just like Jesus said to the apostles when they found him in a strip club: ‘Bros, I’m gonna need a mulligan on this one.’”
“Why are evangelical voters overwhelmingly sticking with Trump despite his apparent contempt for the values they claim to believe in?” Meyers asked. According to Perkins, it’s because, unlike Barack Obama, Trump is “willing to punch the bully.” When a reporter asked him, “What happened to turning the other cheek?” Perkins replied, “Well, you only have two cheeks.”
“Technically, you have four cheeks,” Meyers corrected him, before alluding to Trump’s alleged fetish that involved getting spanked by a copy of Forbes with his face on the cover. “Two on your face and then the magazine catchers on the back.”
In addition to Perkins, Trump was defended this week by Matt Schlapp, the president of the American Conservative Union, who dismissed the story about Stormy Daniels because some of the details were reported by the tabloid InTouch.
“I guess it’s not surprising that Matt Schlapp would defend Trump,” Meyers said. “He’s apparently such a Trump fan that he changed his last name to the sound a Forbes magazine makes when it hits Trump’s ass.”
Meyers ended his segment by proposing a simple hypothetical. “Imagine if Obama or Hillary Clinton had potentially violated federal campaign-finance law by paying hush money to a porn star,” he said. “The right would have lost their mind. But the same people who declare themselves the defenders of family values and the rule of law for the last eight years don’t seem to care about the fact that the president asked a porn star to give him a good ol’ ‘Schlapp.’”