The geeks may inherit the Earth, but Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak won’t be winning a dancing title anytime soon. The Woz busted a move—and who knows what else—doing “the worm” in the middle of a samba routine in Season Nine.
At 83 years old, Cloris Leachman’s Season Seven performance on Dancing With the Stars was very sweet and grandmotherly. You know, if your grandmother has a tendency to rip off her wig in public and grab her dancing partner’s crotch.
If you’ve always wanted to see trash-TV guru Jerry Springer get gored by a bull, well, today isn’t your lucky day. The talk-show host was spared any physical bloodshed in his tangling with a real, live (albeit tiny) bull during the rehearsal segment, but at least his dignity took a shredding thanks to the darling little matador costume he was forced to don in his paso doble performance.
Kim Kardashian is famous for no valid reason beyond having a leaked sex tape and a sizeable caboose, and in Season Seven of DWTS, she added “dancing” to the list of things she’s not particularly good at. Most painful was her mambo to a remix of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back.” Enough, Kim, we get it—you have a booty.
All the sleight of hand in the world couldn’t make comedian/illusionist Penn Jillette work any dancing magic during Season Six of Dancing. Poor Kym Johnson looked like a tiny, blond ragdoll being hauled around the stage by the burly Jillette, whose prodigious dexterity didn’t translate so well to his feet.
The normally debonair George Hamilton lumbered around the Stars stage during Season Two, lacking all of his usual grace. Even the donning of a Zorro mask during one number couldn’t save him. Really now, what would Bunny Wigglesworth say?
No cheers for John Ratzenberger, who thought he could distract the audience from his complete lack of dancing prowess by mincing about the stage with the awkward gait of someone who’s had boiling oil poured into his long johns.
Much like Kim Kardashian, Holly Madison’s sole claim to fame is who she’s slept with—in this case, Hugh Hefner. And much like Kim, Holly’s dancing proved that her best moves may not come when she is vertical.
Oh, just…yikes. For a guy who makes his living on the Las Vegas stage, you’d think Wayne Newton would be at least slightly graceful when it comes to dancing. Worse yet, he performed this travesty to “Viva Las Vegas.” Honestly, Newt, what did the King ever do to you?
Billy Ray Cyrus
After watching Billy Ray bumble through a quickstep routine set to Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire,” you’ll wish you had some fire to burn the awful images out of your brain. We would say he should stick to singing, but then again, this is the man who unleashed “Achy Breaky Heart” upon the world….
It’s hard to decide which part of this performance is more awkward: the beginning, when Tucker sits stiffly in a chair as Elena gyrates around him, or when he finally dances stiffly while Elena gyrates around him. If we didn’t know better, we’d be tempted to think politicos can’t dance.
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