1. On childhood…
A."But I will say that when I was little, I longed for a 'normal' life with a 'normal' family, and there's no way that's ever going to happen now." B."The first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me."
2. On girls…
A."Some guys ended up hurting a girl's feelings or making her mad, because they were working too hard to look cool. Not me…Sometimes, I probably came off as cocky, but I tried to balance that by actually being a nice guy." B."That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are…They can drive you crazy. They really can."
3. On trouble at school…
A."What I was really hanging around for, I was trying to feel some kind of a good-by. I mean I've left schools and places I didn't even know I was leaving them. I hate that. I don't care if it's a sad good-by or a bad good-by, but when I leave a place I like to know I'm leaving it. If you don't, you feel even worse." B."One time I was sent to the Principal for clowning around. I walked down the hall toward the office, but then I just kept on walking. So long, suckers. I went out the door, up the street, and across town."
4. On nerves…
A."'Do you get nervous?' The truth is: I don't. I don't mean for that to come off as cocky. I just don't see what's to be afraid of." B."When I really worry about something, I don't just fool around. I even have to go to the bathroom when I worry about something. Only, I don't go. I'm too worried to go. I don't want to interrupt my worrying to go."
5. On messing up…
A."If you do something too good, then, after a while, if you don't watch it, you start showing off. And then you're not as good any more." B."I can't believe I'm here at the center of it all, and I feel a huge responsibility not to screw it up."
6. On cars…
A."Even though I don't want to be given special treatment, I guess some things are a little big different for me as I was surprised to be given a Range Rover for my sixteenth birthday." B."Take most people, they're crazy about cars. They worry if they get a little scratch on them, and they're always talking about how many miles they get to a gallon, and if they get a brand-new car already they start thinking about trading it in for one that's even newer. I don't even like old cars."
7. On religion…
A."In the Bible it says 'everything works together for good' if you love God, but there are times when it does not feel that way at all. Times when you're like, 'Yo, God! This is messed up.'" B."I like Jesus and all, but I don't care too much for most of the other stuff in the Bible."
8. On being so bad, it's good…
A."If I got in trouble at school…It was for laughing. Or making someone else laugh. Or dancing in the hallway or drumming on my desk or humming in the library. Basically, I got in trouble for being myself, and that didn't seem fair to me." B."It's really too bad that so much crumby stuff is a lot of fun sometimes."
9. On all-knowing moms…
A."My mother always knows it's me. She's psychic." B."Mom is a trip and she sacrificed everything for me."
10. On getting emotional…
A."I'm not afraid to show my feelings either. (Well, most of the time. Within reason. You know what I'm saying.)" B."I was crying and all. I don't know why, but I was. I guess it was because I was feeling so damn depressed and lonesome."
ANSWERS
1. On childhood…
A. Justin Bieber B. Holden Caulfield
2. On girls…
A. Justin Bieber B. Holden Caulfield
3. On trouble at school…
A. Holden Caulfied B. Justin Bieber
4. On nerves…
A. Justin Bieber B. Holden Caulfield
5. On messing up…
A. "Holden Caulfield B. Justin Beiber
6. On cars…
A. Justin Bieber B. Holden Caulfield
7. On religion…
A. Justin Bieber B. Holden Caulfield
8. On being so bad, it's good…
A. Justin Beiber B. Holden Caulfield
9. On all-knowing moms…
A. Holden Caulfield B. Justin Bieber
10. On getting emotional…
A. Justin Bieber B. Holden Caulfield
Jaimie Etkin is an assistant culture editor at The Daily Beast. She has also written for Us Weekly and Radar.