English Lessons

01.03.11

Snooki Dictionary for Her Book, A Shore Thing

From shwores to tanscaping, here is the ultimate Jersey Shore dictionary to help you get through Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi's new novel, A Shore Thing, filled with a fresh batch of Snooki-isms.

From shwores to tanscaping, here is the ultimate Jersey Shore dictionary to help you get through Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi’s new novel, A Shore Thing, filled with a fresh batch of Snooki-isms. By Jaimie Etkin.

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi has already educated Jersey Shore viewers with her distinctive lexicon full of terms, from her " pouf" to her " kookah," but her new novel taps into the reality TV star's literary talents. A Shore Thing tells the story of Gia Spumanti's summer in Seaside Heights, NJ, where she chases gorilla juiceheads, accidentally burns a pair of her signature pink fuzzy slippers, sucks on pickles, and gets a gig at a tanning salon. Of course, the thinly-veiled Snooki-modeled character is no Jane Eyre, but her prose about chicken-parm-offs, sandy sexual encounters, and bathroom catastrophes are enough to make one's mouth water and subsequently, trigger one's gag reflex—a skill uniquely Polizzi.

bacne (n.)—A pattern of blemishes, specifically located on one’s back, caused by an inflammatory disease involving the skin’s sebaceous glands.

Though this may be a problem for anyone at any age, those who are fond of anabolic steroids find it to be a particularly nasty side effect, as opposes to other, more minimal issues.

Example: “Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne.”

badonk (n.)—A large, plump posterior. Synonymous with “junk in the trunk.” (see also, crack)

book---a-shore-thing
A Shore Thing By Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi 304 pages. Gallery Books. ()

Jennifer Lop ez and shorties (also known as young women) with Apple Bottom jeans are likely to have one of these. As Missy “Misdemeanor” Elliott famously asked in her 2002 hit, “Work It,” “Love the way my ass go bum-bump-bum-bump-bump… Keep your eyes on my bum-bump-bum-bump-bump… And think you can handle this badonk-a-donk-donk?”

Example: “And I love my body, especially the badonk.”

beach badge (n.)—A pass that one must purchase from the town in order to swim, sun, and the like at the New Jersey shore.

Jerseyites may not pump their gas, but nothing comes free in the Garden State. A beach badge—which is essential for beach admittance—is typically represented by a pin affixed to the beachgoer’s bag and is usually checked upon entry. A badge typically costs $5 to $7 per day or approximately $35 seasonally and is sometimes included in rental packages.

Example: “‘You kids have beach badges?’ he asked when he saw Pete’s friends. ‘We don’t need no stinking badges,’ said one of the kids in an exaggerated Spanish accent.”

Benny (n.)— a non-resident of the New Jersey shore region who descends on the locale during the summer months.

Those who frequent the Jersey Shore, but aren't indigenous to area are said to largely hail from Bayonne, Elizabeth, or Newark, New Jersey or New York (hence B.E.N.N.Y.) Some, however, have hypothesized the term also alludes to the money these visitors bring in (i.e. Benjamins, the slang term for $100 bills). Whatever the meaning, locals are not fans.

Example: “We call out of towners Bennies. They come to the Shore every July, act like they own the place, and then leave the locals to clean up the mess.”

braciola (n.)—A piece of Italian beef pan fried in its own juices; or, a euphemism for male genitalia (see also, peen)

Apologies for any meals ruined in the attempt to educate.

Example: “Meanwhile, Gia was starting to wonder if he even had a braciola... Johnny Hulk of the Ken-doll crotch?”

chicken-parm-off (n.)—A competition in which two parties cook their respective recipes for the classic Italian dish, chicken parmigiana (which typically consists of breaded chicken topped with marinara sauces and Parmesan and mozzarella cheeses) for a judge or panel or judges to conclude which is best. (see also, moozadell)

It’s like chicken cutlet night, kicked up a notch—with sauce and cheese on top.

Example: “The chicken-parm-off… the guido version of a bake-off.”

crack (n.)—Exposure of the gluteal cleft between the left and right buttocks, often due to low-rise bottoms. Also known as, butt cleavage. (see also, badonk)

This has nothing to do with cocaine… that we know of.

Example: “‘Too much?’ asked Bella, who rolled over to check if her shorts showed crack and/or cheek.”

creep (v.)—To approach someone to whom one is romantically interested at a club

Though some may be familiar with this term from TLC's 1994 album CrazySexyCool, in the Guidonese, it has less to do with keeping it on the down low and more to do with meeting a lady or man friend who is of “smushable” quality.

Example: “In two seconds, he creeped over to her. In five seconds, they were grinding, her butt pressed against his thighs.”

date-rapey (adj.)—To act in a way on a romantic outing that suggests one will take sexual advantage of his or her partner (see also, Rule of Ten)

Nothing funny about it… besides the attempt to make this an adjective.

Example: “If a guy got date-rapey on me, I’d hide in bed for three days.”

dime (n.)—A prospect who rates at a level 10 (being the highest) on the scale of attractiveness

Example: “Only dimes will do, bro.”

dirties (n. pl.)—Clothing that is unclean

Because it sounds cuter this way?

Example: “Bella threw all her dirties on her bed. The pile was as tall as she was. Between the gym and the clubs, she went through a lot of clothes in a week.”

Ed Hardy (n.)—A designer brand of T-shirts that typically includes a decal depicting a skull, heart, swords, flames, or some other symbol of masculinity and is often bedazzled with rhinestones

This is a key item in staying fresh to death and T-shirt time. Celebrity dad Jon Gosselin is also a big fan of the designer’s work.

Example: “At Ed Hardy, Stanley almost refused to buy a mad cool black T-shirt with gold tribal designs all over it.”

famewhore (n.)—A person who metaphorically prostitutes him or herself in the media in the hopes of sustaining his or her 15 minutes in the spotlight.

Note: Any connection between the castmembers of Jersey Shore and the definition of this term are purely coincidental.

Example: “She might’ve forgiven the famewhoring exhibitionism, freebie grabbing, and zero conversation.”

fist pump (n., v.)—An enthusiastic punch into the air with one's hand, typically performed as a nonviolent dance move. Or the act of punching the air with one's hand in the same fashion.

The act of fist pumping tends to be done in groups, set to techno beats (also known as House music), and often leads to a sweat-stained T-shirt (likely of the Ed Hardy variety).

Example: “Not surprisingly, he was a great dancer, first-pumping higher and harder than anyone else.”

food baby (n.)—An expanded stomach that is the result of consuming too much food.

More than likely, chicken parmigiana.

Example: “I wonder if my food baby is a boy or a girl.”

girl hug (n.)—A rarely genuine greeting between two women in which they kiss each other on both cheeks and bump clavicles.

Example: “‘I heard you were back in town,’ said Janey, coming over to give Gia a girl hug (double kiss, and a clash of collarbone).”

gorilla (n.)—A particularly muscular man (see also, juicehead)

A favorite look among the Jersey Shore’s Snooki and J-Woww, who bear no relation to any of the characters in this novel.

Example: “I thought we’d be waist-deep in guido juicehead gorillas by now. Where are they?”

guy code (n.)—The rules by which men, friends or foes, live by when it comes to loyalty to their female counterparts. Also known as, the bro code.

In addition to preventing one’s male friends from hooking up with sisters, mothers, ex-girlfriends, etc., these laws of the gentleman help maintain calm in the testosterone-filled world.

Example: “Rocky evoked the Guy Code. Tenet number one, as everyone knew: If your boy cheated, never let on to his girl about it. Tenet number two upheld the same spirit of loyalty: If you didn’t touch a girl, never say you did.”

juicehead (n.)—A man who does steroids or works out to the extent that his muscles are so large that it appears he does steroids (see also, gorilla)

Example: “Don’t talk to them while they’re working out. It’s a sacred time for juiceheads, like church. Creeping would be disrespectful.”

Juicy (n.)—The abbreviated name of fashion brand Juicy Couture, the designer of the terrycloth and velveteen sweatsuits that are staples in a guidette’s wardrobe. Note: This has nothing to do with juiceheads by definition.

Example: “Linda was, then and now, a cute blonde, head-to-toe in Juicy.”

Karma (n.)—A nightclub in Seaside Heights, New Jersey

Although karma may be a bitch, this proper noun refers to one of the hottest clubs in Seaside Heights, where the House music bumps, the fists pump, the Jagerbombs flow, and the beat is beaten up. It’s also where Angelina broke up with her boyfriend, Vinny contracted pinkeye, and many other romantic evenings never to forget on Jersey Shore.

Example: “Bella sat at the palazzo bar at Karma in her sluttiest metallic-pink micro bikini top and a miniskirt that could pass for a belt.”

lean cuisine (n.)—A particularly thin gentleman, i.e. the opposite of a gorilla and/or juicehead

Example: “The hippie had cute curly hair like Andy Samberg, who Gia had always crushed on. He was a skinny kid. A real lean cuisine.”

lethally brunette (adj.)—A fierce woman with brown hair, i.e. the anti- Legally Blonde

Eat your heart out, Reese Witherspoon.

Example: “No self-respecting lethal brunette would bend and snap.”

nabe (n.)—An abbreviated term for “neighborhood”

But this one ain’t Mr. Rogers’.

Example: “At the end, he turned into a third-degree stalker, showing up at their apartment building, the family-run Italian deli where Bella worked, and all her favorite spots around the nabe.”

mung beer (n.)—A beverage that is partially consumed and left over from a party until at least the following morning

Example: “The first, a dark inside room that, even from the outside, smelled like mung beer, Axe body spray, and sweat.”

motorboat (v.)—The act of putting one’s face between a woman’s breasts, and moving one’s head quickly from side to side while making a “brrr” noise with one’s lips

Example: “‘Mmmm,’ he mumbled, his face between her boobs, motor-boating.” (120)

moozadell (n.)—An alternative pronunciation for mozzarella cheese (see also, chicken-parm-off)

Example: “She grated fresh moozadell and parm into a bowl and added more bread crumbs to the cheese mixture along with fresh-chopped basil, oregano, and thyme.”

mystician (n.)—One who professionally applies Mystic spray tanning products (see also, tan-tagging and tanscaping)

Example: “Mystician Rizzoli took Janey into room one.”

peen (n.)—A small version of male genitalia (see also, braciola)

Example: “It was so small, you can’t even call it a penis… So call it a peen?”

poli (n.)—An abbreviation for police (see also, nabe)

Because the complete words are so hard to say sometimes.

Example: “The same poli from the boardwalk—Officer Mustache—hitched his belt up under his chubby belly and approached the scene.”

pouf (n.)—A female hairstyle in which a large portion of hair is raised at the crown of one's head and secured with a banana clip (see also, tramp clamp)

“The higher the hair, the closer to God,” appears to be the mantra Snooki was following when boosting up her hair, whether at the beach, going tanning, or hunting for juiceheads. The smallest housemate’s ‘do is about as iconic as her orange skin, fuzzy pink slippers, and love of pickles—all of which are also characteristics of her fictional protagonist Gia.

Example: “Life was hard. But a pouf? That should be easy.”

pound (v.)—To have sex with (see also, smush)

Example: “Let’s go back to my parents’ house and find some bitches in Barnegat Light to pound.”

Rule of Ten (n.)—A game in which two men count off each girl who walks into a bar—excluding “fat chicks, grenades, bitter bitches, and quivering virgins”—until the 10th “sufficiently easy bimbo” enters and thus, becomes their target. The men flip a coin and the winner of the coin toss has seven days to get said bimbo into bed using “any means necessary, except telling her about the bet.” If he was unsuccessful after the allotted week, the other player had the same opportunity to sleep with the target. If he also fails, they could both attempt to woo her until the end of the summer.

Example: “The Rule of Ten winner this year would win bragging rights for life.”

salami boy (n.)—A man with a stomach “hard and flat enough to cut salami on.” (see also, gorilla and juicehead)

Example: “Tonight, she aimed her gyrating hips straight at Salami Boy.”

shwore (n.)—A whore found at the Jersey Shore

Example: “While he waited, Ben tried to get the attention of a couple of shwores in bikini tops and shorts so skimpy, the pocket lining hung lower on their thighs than the hem.”

sick (adj.)—Amazing, awesome, hot

Has nothing to do with one’s physical well-being.

Example: “Oh, God, you look sick! Totally mad creepy sick!”

sixth sense (n.)—A physical trainer’s ability to connect with his or her client after six sessions

Example: “I’ve developed a sense of people. I call it the Sixth Sense. By the sixth workout, I’ve got their number.”

slag (n.)—A particularly sexually loose young woman

Example: “One to show those Jell-O-shot-spiking, lying slags Linda and Janey the true meaning of being in deep shit.”

Slippery Nipple (n.)- a shot consisting of Bailey’s Irish Cream and Sambuca or Butterscotch Schnapps

Example: “A bartender appeared to take her order. ‘Slippery Nipple,’ she said. ‘Extra slippery.’”

smurf (n.)—A short person, who is not necessarily blue as a particular 1980s cartoon would have many believe. Some, in fact, are quite orange.

Example: “Being a Smurf, Gia had learned to walk on any terrain in heels.”

smush (v.)—To have sex with someone, ideally a guido and a guidette. (see also, pound)

While the acting of smushing and pounding may seem synonymous, this is actually the more gentle approach to lovemaking that goes down on Jersey Shore.

Example: “While making out, Gia wondered if he was using the old trick of telling a pretty girl she was smart (or a smart girl she was pretty) to get her to smush with him.”

Snooki sandwich (n.)—A decadent dessert that includes Nutella and peanut butter between two deep-fried chocolate chip cookies

Example: “They went to another booth and got fried Oreos and a crazy thing called a Snooki Sandwich.”

SoCo (n.)—The abbreviation for the liqueur Southern Comfort, often consumed as a shot with lime

Example: “If she’d had another shot of SoCo, or if Ben were stronger, things might’ve gone differently in that hot tub.”

tanscaping (v.)—The process of using spray-on tanning products to create the illusion of a six-pack without the workout (see also, mystician and tan-tagging)

The fast and faux way to attain one’s very own “ situation.”

Example: “You pull the trigger, and a fine spray comes out the nozzle. We use this to do tanscaping.”

tan-tagging (v.)—The process of using a spray tan gun to draw various shapes and designs on one’s skin, “like body graffiti, but with tanning spray.” (see also, mystician and tanscaping)

Example: “Carl and the other art students had a blast tan-tagging little flowers and birds and designs on each other’s legs and arms, smoking joint after joint.”

the three Ds (n.)—Drinking, dancing, and duh

Example: “Tonight, we’re all about the three Ds. Dance until we’re soaked. Drink until closing. And, Duh, find two boys who’ve got their priorities straight.”

tramp clamp (n.)—A term for a clip used to fasten one’s pouf (see also, pouf)

Example: “Gia hoisted the front section of her hair, holding it high over her head with one hand. With the other hand, she gave it a blast of spray. Then she twisted the clump into a bubble and fastened it in the back with a butterfly clip, aka a tramp clamp.”

tree branching (n.)—A popular dance move amongst the lethally brunette crowd to woo her guido in the creeping process

Example: “How about tree branching? It’s a dance move. You put your wrist on a guy’s shoulder, like this, and then shake around in front of him. And, if it gets creepy, I might wrap one leg around him, like this.”

vibe (v.)—To be attracted to another person

Example: “He’s hot, single, he invited me to his house. We were vibing like crazy.”

Vin Diesel (n.)—The most gorgeous man alive, according to many a guidette

Also, the recent star of The Tooth Fairy.

Example: “Vin Diesel is a lot hotter than Jesus… He’s hotter than just about everyone.”

yummy (adj)—Attractive

Has nothing to do with food… usually.

Example: “Rugged, clean-shaven, with a slightly crooked nose, stellar cheekbones, and full red lips—and yummy olive skin, as if he’d been baking under the Tuscan sun for generations.”

Jaimie Etkin is an assistant culture editor at The Daily Beast. She has also written for Us Weekly and Radar.