So You Want Out of Jury Duty?

You won't do better than this method, deployed by my father-in-law, legendary Canadian journalist Peter Worthington:

"The questionnaire wanted to know if I had ever been charged with an offense, or if I knew anyone, family or otherwise who had been thus charged, which might colour my judgment.

I was reasonably sure I could be objective, and answered the question.

I said I had been an acquaintance and had maintained contact with [convicted serial killer] Clifford Olson for over 20 years; that I considered myself a friend of Leonard Peltier who was serving a life for the murder of two FBI agents; and I was a friend of the late Laurie Bembenk who had been convicted of murder.

I didn’t add that I had once been charged under the Official Secrets Act. That seemed like gilding the lily.

Anyway I mailed my letter on Tuesday, Jan. 3, and two days later my wife got a phone call from the Sheriff’s Office that thanks a lot, but they didn’t want me on a jury. I gather such a quick response verges on unique."