The Royalist

05.04.12

The Poetry of Pippa's Ass

'Her ass consumed me...'

One year on, a lyrical appreciation of Pippa's ass by blogger David Himmel:

"I had no intention of watching the wedding on TV as it was broadcast around the globe.  However, when I habitually turned on my television that late April morning to gather the day’s headlines as I dressed for work, I was annoyingly surprised – and reminded – that April 29, 2011 would not be a day of news, but instead, a day of matrimony.  Matrimony for two people I wasn’t even sure had last names.  But I kept it on because, well, Kate was pretty.  But then something happened.  Pippa.

"More to the point, Pippa’s ass happened.  I have a tendency to talk to the television and, while straightening my necktie, I said to my Samsung, “What the holy sh*t is that?”  I was flabbergasted, blown away, removed from my body and shocked by the sheer perfection of that girl’s ass.  “Who is that?” I asked the Samsung.  “Seriously.  Who the f*ck is that?  Jesus.  She’s amazing.  Is that Kate’s twin?  They look so much alike.  Jesus!  Would you look at that ass?”

"I wasn’t alone in my amazement.  The news bubble surrounding Mr. and Mrs. NoLastName turned to the girl with the great ass holding the bride’s train.  Pippa Middleton.  Suddenly, I, like every other idiot on the planet, cared about the royal wedding.  Although by this time, we all cared about the maid of honor.  The rest of my day was ruined.  I nearly broke Google searching for more images of this Pippa girl and her incredible ass.  I couldn’t get enough.  Her ass consumed me."