If hours of slow-motion shots of Great Whites ripping anything and everything to shreds this Shark Week still leaves you insatiable, you need to see this. From the two-headed star of Sand Sharks to the Samuel L. Jackson killer in Deep Blue Sea, the best and worst of cinema’s sharks.
The Most Memorable Attack: Jaws
Spolier Alert: The guy wedged between the jaws of…Jaws doesn’t make it. These memorable few seconds are sandwiched between “You’re going to need a bigger boat” and “Smile, you son of a bitch.”
The Best (Only) Flick Featuring a Two-Headed Shark: Sand Sharks
Sand Sharks, a new Jaws ripoff from this year that went straight to video does have one thing going for it: it features a two-headed shark and stars Hulk Hogan’s daughter, Brooke. OK, make that two. In the classic girl-in-a-bikini-gets-innocently-attacked-by-monstrous-shark scene, Hogan takes on the beast with two heads with little more than a Buffy-esque stake. You go, girl!
The Best Way to Kill a Samuel L. Jackson’s Character: Deep Blue Sea
Don’t blink or you might miss it. In this epic monologue from Deep Blue Sea, a hungry shark makes a bite-size snack out of Jackson. After which his enlightened colleague utters, “It just ate him.”
The Best Use of Shark Repellent Batspray: Batman: The Movie
This scene could have easily be characterized as the best use of a catchphrase (“Holy Sardines!”) mid-attack. Or the longest a shark has held onto a human leg without breaking it off. But alas, Batman is always prepared—overprepared, even—toting not only shark repellent but whale, manta-ray, and barracuda spray as well.
The Best Animated Sharks We Want to Be Friends With: Finding Nemo
Thanks to the Pixar classic, we now know that “Fish are friends, not food.” And while vegetarian sharks do exist, these Aussie ocean dwellers struggle to keep their mission statement intact when the temptation of fresh bait swims too close.
The Least Plausible Shark Attack (We Hope): Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus
In this unforgettable clip from the straight-to-video 2009 thriller Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, an airplane full of innocent passengers is terrorized by an unlikely visitor.
The Worst Use of CGI: Shark Attack 3: Megalodon
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon features awful acting paired with even worse special effects. Although we enjoyed the shot of a greedy partygoer falling directly into the jaws of a hungry Great White, when the same shark gobbles an entire boat full of stranded yacht passengers, we can see why this 2002 flick went straight to video.
The Best Use of Babes and Sharks: She Gods of Shark Reef
Ever wonder why shark flicks are always filled with bikini-clad babes? Look no further than the origin of such stereotypes: 1958’s She Gods of Shark Reef. In every heterosexual man’s fantasy, the film follows two brothers who are shipwrecked at sea and surrounded by “nubile young women” (thanks, IMDB) who have an unfortunate fetish for sharks.
The Best Use of Slow Motion: Jaws IV: The Revenge
You know things are going to get ugly when a banana boat full of small children and women slowly bounces by—and the frame cuts to a salivating, grinning Great White.
The Worst Name for a Pet Shark: Ace Ventura: Pet Detective