08.20.12 6:00 PM ET
How Legitimate Was My Rape?
Tom Doran skewers Todd Akin with a sarcastic questionare for women seeking to determine the "legitimacy" of their rape. In the process, Doran lambasts Julian Assange of Wikileaks fame for ignoring the alleged sex crimes for which he is accused of in Sweden:
Does the perpetrator really, really hate the United States government?
If YES, congratulations! You weren't raped. In fact, I think it's rather impertinent of you to raise the question, don't you? Don't you know how many innocent people are being killed by drone strikes? Don't you know about Bradley Manning? Don't you know about all the other, much more reassuring subjects we could change this one to? Julian Assange is a visionary who speaks truth to power. He has bigger things on his mind. That's why, during his address from the balcony of the Ecuadorian embassy, he didn't mention you or your accusations once. Why are you so offended? I'm just saying you don't matter.
If NO, then tough luck. You were raped. Well, probably, but don't worry. Courts always take the side of the accuser, they're well-known for it. In fact, your chances of attaining a conviction are... Oh. Well, you really should have thought of that before being born a woman.