Is This Thing On?
The show hadn’t even begun when there appeared to be the first snafu. As the Today show anchors were recapping the red carpet and a 30-second countdown clock appeared on the bottom right-hand corner of the screen, a producer could be heard, in stressed tones, shouting “20 seconds!” “10 seconds!” as Lauer and company spoke. Mistakenly live mic, or intentional gimmick to drum up excitement for the show? Your call.
‘You Can Smell the Pills From Here’
After three years of Ricky Gervais roasting the A-listers in attendance, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler made their debut as Golden Globes hosts. They promised the audience they’d lay off the mean-spirited jokes, but that was a bit of a white lie. Indeed, their first target was Gervais himself: they joked that the comedian “couldn’t be with us tonight because he is no longer officially in show business.” Other targets: Kathryn Bigelow (“When it comes to torture, I trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron”) and Anne Hathaway, who they said hadn’t looked as alone as she did as Fantine in Les Misérables since she was hosting the Oscars with James Franco.
‘The Hunger Games’
Fey and Poehler’s entire monologue was among the best-received in awards-show history by the stars in attendance, but one line unequivocally got the biggest laugh. Making reference to The Hunger Games, Fey joked that the title is “also what I call the six weeks it took me to get into this dress.” Then mentioning Life of Pi, Poehler countered, “which is what I’m gonna call the six weeks after I take this dress off!”
Darcy St. Fudge Crashes the Party
The nominees for Best Actress in a Television Movie or Miniseries are: for her portrayal of Martha Gellhorn, Nicole Kidman, Hemingway and Gellhorn; for her uncanny performance as Sarah Palin, Julianne Moore, Game Change; and as “a psychic who solves her own murder, Darcy St. Fudge, Dog President. Wait … what? (For the record, Moore won the award.)
‘Homeland’ Fills Some Awkward Silence
The winner for Best Television Drama wasn’t a surprise, but the reading of the nominees didn’t exactly go as planned. When Salma Hayek and Paul Rudd stepped to the mic, the teleprompter clearly wasn’t working, as the two awkwardly squirmed and vamped while the audience nervously giggled. Things got even more awkward when Alex Gansa accepted the award for Homeland and told what he probably thought was a charming anecdote but was actually a description of some pretty unhealthy working conditions: “I just wish you all could have seen Claire Danes eight months pregnant, holding a steel pipe, and being chased down a drainage tunnel by Abu Nazir at 3 o’clock in the morning, take after take.”
Mama Adele Makes Her Debut
Not only can she sing flawlessly, but she can deliver a killer speech. Following what had been a night of snooze-inducing thank-yous, Adele stormed the stage with breathless energy after winning Best Original Song for her Skyfall theme—to a stormy stare from Taylor Swift, whom she beat out for the award. “Oh my God!” Adele squealed, giddy with excitement. Making her first public appearance since giving birth in October, the singer said she and her friend had only “come out for a night out … we’re new mums.” Her witty speech acknowledged Fey and Poehler—“We’ve been pissing ourselves laughing over here”—Daniel Craig’s turn as James Bond, and her “lovely son.”
‘Dog President’ Is Snubbed Again
As if Darcy St. Fudge’s Best Actress in a Miniseries loss wasn’t enough, Dog President was passed over for Best Actor, too. Kevin Costner took the Best Actor in a Miniseries award for Hatfields and McCoys instead of “as a volleyball player battling restless syndrome, Damien Francisco in Dog President.”
Bill Clinton Tries His Hand at Comedy
The first standing ovation of the night went to Bill Clinton, introducing a clip reel of Best Drama nominee Lincoln. The former president even got in a good one-liner. Speaking about President Lincoln’s struggle to get a bill passed through Congress, he said it “required the president to make unsavory deals that had nothing to do with the big issues.” Then flashing that famous rakish smile, he quipped, “I wouldn’t know anything about that.”
Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell Are Liars
If Fey and Poehler don’t come back to host again next year, can we nominate Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell in their place? The actors presented Best Actress in Comedy or Musical and pretended to have seen all of the nominated performances, including Meryl Streep as “that sassy sheriff of Hope Springs.” The jig was probably up from the beginning, however, when the duo maintained they had watched Emily Blunt in Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. C’mon … no one saw that movie.
Jennifer Lawrence Charms the Pants Off Everyone
Proving once again why everyone wants to be her best friend, Jennifer Lawrence accepted her Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy award with a speech that was the perfect combination of funny and heartfelt. “What does it say? I beat Meryl?” she began. The Silver Linings Playbook star then went on to mention Harvey Weinstein—“Thank you for killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here today”—and, through adorable tears, her brothers, saying she would not be where she is “without you being mean to me and then supportive and loving me constantly.”
Anne Hathaway Honors Sally Field
Accepting her trophy for Best Supporting Actress, Anne Hathaway devoted a chunk of her speech to thanking fellow nominee Sally Field for being a crusader against typecasting. “As the girl who started out as the Princess of Genovia, I can’t tell you how encouraging it was the Flying Nun grew up to be Norma Rae.” Sally’s eyes welled with tears … and, OK, so did ours.
Stallone & Schwarzenegger: Incomprehensible
Rocky and The Terminator got together to present Best Foreign Language film—which went to Michael Haneke’s Amour—and joked about how “English is for both of us a foreign language.” No arguments here!
Lena Dunham Beats Fey and Poehler
Hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler may have lost Best Actress in a TV Comedy to Lena Dunham for Girls, but they won laughs anyway, hobnobbing with George Clooney and Jennifer Lopez as their names were announced as nominees. Dunham, for her part, was adorably emotional and nervous making her way to the stage as Robyn’s “Dancing on My Own”—the soundtrack to one of Girls’ best Season 1 moments—played in the ballroom.
“The show has really taken a turn.” Clutching tumblers of liquor, Fey and Poehler worked through their fresh loss by turning to drink—and comedy. “Congratulations, Lena, glad we got you through middle school,” Fey groaned, referencing Dunham’s speech. Marveling at how “loose” everyone in the audience was getting as more and more celebrities ended up empty-handed, Fey pointed out what appeared to be the biggest lush in the room: “Look how drunk Glenn Close is.”
‘Jodie Foster Was Here’
It’s the speech that everyone will be talking about. Accepting her Lifetime Achievement Award, Foster first got the audience riled up by setting up an official coming-out statement that ended up being a passionate diatribe about privacy and so much more: “Now I’m told that every celebrity is expected to honor every detail of their private life with a press conference, fragrance, and a reality show. You guys might be surprised, but I am not Honey Boo Boo child.” Quickly, Foster then had everyone from Kate Hudson to Sienna Miller in tears with her message to her sick mother, telling her, “Mom, I know you’re inside those blue eyes somewhere … I love you, I love you, I love you … please take that with you when you’re finally OK to go.” The rousing conclusion: “It will be my writing on the wall: Jodie Foster was here. And I still am. I want to be seen, to be understood deeply, and to not be so very lonely.”
Ben Affleck Is Redeemed
He may have been snubbed by the Academy Awards, which failed to nominate him for Best Director, but Ben Affleck got the sweetest revenge when he won the category Sunday night. The crowd leapt to its feet the instant Affleck’s name was read, hinting that there’s a whole red carpet’s worth of A-listers who are not pleased with Affleck’s Oscar omission. (Argo also picked up Best Drama.)
‘We’re Still Talking About the Globes, Right?’
“Winning a Golden Globe can propel an artist’s career forward, catapulting them towards new and exciting career paths,” Jimmy Fallon began, presenting Best TV Comedy alongside Jay Leno, who hosts The Tonight Show right before Fallon’s own late-night program. “Or it could convince them to stay exactly where they are and keep doing what they’re doing,” Leno countered. Fallon: “Or it could give them the push they need to move on and give someone else a chance in the spotlight.” Leno’s final word: “Not a chance in hell that’s going to happen.” The real award, however, went to Girls, the first Best Comedy award not given to Modern Family seemingly in eons. Maybe there is room for the new guard.
Strong Women Rule
Jessica Chastain honored her Zero Dark Thirty director Kathryn Bigelow during her Best Actress acceptance speech, congratulating Bigelow on creating such a strong character and helping to break down gender barriers in film: “When you make a film that allows your character to disobey the conventions of Hollywood, you’ve done more for women in cinema than you take credit for.” The tribute cannily summed up the trend of the night: strong women rule. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler killed as hosts. The fiercely funny Lena Dunham swept the TV comedy categories with Girls. Jodie Foster commanded the stage with a meaningful speech after being honored with a lifetime achievement award, and Chastain took home Best Actress for playing a confident, powerful woman. Who run the world? Girls.