Want to spice up your writing but don’t know how? 50 Shades of Grey writer E.L. James wants to help.

The author will be publishing 50 Shades of Grey: Inner Goddess, a part writing advice book, part journal, on May 1 through Vintage Books. The “bonded leather” journal will offer “readers and aspiring writers a place where they can record their innermost thoughts.” In addition to journaling pages and prompts, the book will also feature an introduction by James, excerpts from her 50 Shades trilogy, inspirational playlists, as well as James’s best writing tips.

But does anybody actually want writing advice from the author whose best selling work was originally written as Twilight fan fiction?

Perhaps only if you want to emulate James’s titillating NSFW prose, which includes the passages like: “'Why don’t you like to be touched?’ I whisper, staring up into soft gray eyes. ‘Because I’m fifty shades of fucked up, Anastasia’” and “He’s my very own Christian Grey-flavored popsicle. I suck harder and harder … Hmm … My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves.” Scratch that: these are actually more cringe-worthy than arousing.

For better or for worse, the mommy porn trend is here to stay, thanks to 50 Shades of Grey: Inner Goddess. Hopefully, this erotic how-to guide will inspire aspiring authors to compose steamy stories that are actually well-written.