Can't Even Parody This
03.29.13 11:39 AM ET
Crazy DC Protesters: Managing Deer Population Similar to Newtown Massacre, Crucifixion of Christ
The Washington Post frequently reports examples of why America can and should hate its capital city so very much. This time, it's women likening the regular practice of managing the region's deer population to the massacre at Newtown and the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
“It shows so little respect for the community to do this during Passover and Easter weekend, when everyone in Washington is leaving town,’’ said Grunewald, who struggled to find people to join the protest on Military Road and Oregon Ave. NW. ... Holding signs with slogans such as “Shame on NPS” and “Don’t Kill the Deer,” they chanted, “Birth control! Not bullets!” ...
Unlike their neighbors in Fairfax County, the Park Service said it plans to eventually use the contraception methods that the protesters prefer, which usually comes in the form of sugar cubes laced with sterilizing chemicals. ...
Johnson, the parks service spokeswoman, said the department is also turning away from its original plan to use bows and arrows. The method is responsible for three-quarters of the deer harvested in Fairfax, but Johnson said the parks service fears that the practice is inhumane.
That stance provided little solace to the protesters of the sharpshooting on Thursday night, who likened the action [humanely killing deer to prevent population-induced starvation] to the shooting of 26 people in Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn., and the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
“This gorgeous park; these beautiful animals; my heart is broken,” said Lynn Parker, a protester who was cradling her poodle mix, Hari. “They are setting them up in a trap and shooting them. This is how we are teach children to handle things? With violence?”
“No wonder we have the society we have today,’’ added her sister, Peri Parker.
And for once, I totally agree. Because using a sharpshooter (aka someone who is very, very accurate with a high powered rifle) to swiftly kill a deer is exactly like massacring innocent children or crucifying Jesus Christ.
Burn it all. Burn it all now.