World News

06.18.13

7 Job Ideas for the Recently Unemployed Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

So you're not president of Iran anymore, but you still love the spotlight—what to do? From astronaut to 'Idol' judge, a few relevant options for the departing leader.

So you're not president of Iran anymore, but you still love the spotlight—what to do? From astronaut to 'American Idol' judge, a few relevant employment opportunities for Mr. Ahmadinejad.

1. Public Speaker

For better or worse, Ahmadinejad has always been able to take a public speech and turn it into a spectacle. Infamously, his 2011 speech at the United Nations was so antagonistic toward the U.S. and other Western nations that American diplomats led a walkout that included the delegations of more than 30 countries. And that wasn't the first time he provoked an exodus—just the year before, he used his U.N. speech as a platform to accuse the American government of "orchestrating" the 9/11 attacks. Clearly this guy knows how to work an audience. 

2. Astronaut

He's always had super-sized ambitions. Earlier this year, Ahmadinejad graciously volunteered to go into space for the good of his nation. "I'm ready to be the first Iranian to sacrifice myself for our country's scientists," he told a state news agency in February. Ultimately, the nation reportedly sent a live monkey into orbit instead, so the title of first Iranian human in space is still up for grabs.

3. Fashion Consultant

Ahmadinejad may talk a big game on the global stage, but sartorially speaking, he's a man of the people. The leader is well-known for his love of cheap windbreakers and rocking a suit without a tie, so perhaps he could launch a casual line of menswear at a reasonable price point. And he's already done some market research: on a trip to New York in 2012, his aides reportedly spent cash around town, bargain shopping at Payless Shoesource, Costco, Walgreens, and more. It may not be Bergdorf's, but it's a start.

4. Soccer Player

Now that David Beckham has retired from the sport, it could be time for Ahmadinejad to get in the game. In 2010, the then-president showed off his moves in a friendly international footie match with Bolivian counterpart Evo Morales. Plus, Ahmadinejad is known to be a big soccer fan, and has in the past attached himself to the local Football Federation of the Islamic Republic (FFIR) in an attempt to improve his public image. (Too bad the league has been crippled by international sanctions brought about by his nuclear ambitions.)

5. Blacksmith

When Ahmadinejad family's moved to Tehran from Aradan, his father, Ahmad, started a new career as a blacksmith. Wouldn't it be the sweetest thing ever if he picked up a hammer and followed in his dad's footsteps? On second thought …

6. New 'American Idol' Judge

We all know how much Ahmadinejad appreciates the power of music—he appreciates it so much that he banned all Western music from state-run television and radio when he was first elected president of Iran in 2005. And now that the dueling combo of Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj is definitely out for Season 13 of American Idol, there's room for a new provocateur on the panel. Ratings gold!

7. Holocaust Museum Docent

The famous Holocaust denier, who has repeatedly advocated for the elimination of the Jewish state of Israel, might find that retirement is the perfect time to finally face the facts.