State Of Their Union

01.16.14

Is Springsteen Still Misty Over Christie?

Where do things stand between The Boss and The Bully these days? After Springsteen’s Jimmy Fallon spoof masterclass, the Jersey love-affair might be over.

On Tuesday’s Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, New Jersey mascot Bruce Springsteen--with help from the always adorable host, himself--sang a Bridgegate bashing version of “Born To Run” with lines like …

“Man I really gotta take a leak, but I can’t. I’m stuck in Gov. Chris Christie’s Fort Lee, N.J., traffic jam.”

Zing!

But what does the Duke of Denim really think of an elected official who once admitted to sobbing, uncontrollably, after the two hugged during a Hurricane Sandy benefit concert?

Fact: The Boss just released his 18th studio effort one week before Jersey’s 55th governor gets sworn in for a second term.

Conjecture: Springsteen’s latest album uses an uninspired lineup (mostly cover songs and his own re-worked singles) to offer subtle criticisms of--and compliments about--the E Street Band’s biggest Republican fan since Ronald Reagan (although, man, did The Gipper not get “Born In The USA”).

Consider several half-assed examples from The Boss’s most recent playlist.

Video screenshot

What does the world think of Chris Christie and Bridgegate?

“High Hopes”

The title track is an obvious reference to Jersey’s convoluted medical marijuana policies. Despite the fact that the bill allowing doctor-approved dank nugs was signed back in 2010, a grand total of three legal dispensaries currently exist within the misnamed “Garden State”--and Christie refuses to sign a new bill that will allow chemo-suffering citizens to bring weed in from other legal states.  I can’t speak for Bruce, but the whole thing is enough to aggravate the undiagnosed glaucoma I don’t actually have.

“Harry’s Place”

A reminder of when the governor presented a visiting Prince Harry with the same type of fleece pullover he wore during the whole of Hurricane Sandy. Hard to tell if The Boss is for, or against, this transatlantic ass-kissing--but we do know he has a thing for red heads.

“American Skin”

Springsteen’s cruel take on Christie’s excess amount of excess epidermis following his lap band surgery last February. God forbid you’d ever fork over a little dough to improve your already gorgeous appearance, Bruce. *cough*  Just For Men *cough*

“Down In The Hole”

Is that supposed to sound like “doughnut hole,” Bruce? No? Well … do you have any, anyways? I’m hungies.

 “Heaven’s Wall”

 In keeping with the breakfast-pastries theme: This is clearly a lyrical reference to the town of Caldwell, New Jersey’s busy Bloomfield Avenue, which separates a local Dunkin Donuts from Grover Cleveland’s birth home. And, yes, the 300-pound, 22nd and 23rd president of the United States would’ve crossed “Heaven’s Wall” in just as sweaty a fashion as his modern day doppelganger. Who knew The Boss was such a history dork? Spoiler alert: I goddamn did.

 “This Is Your Sword”

As in, the governor should fall on it? Uh … that’s why politicians have underlings, Bruce. I believe it was President Harry S Truman who coined the phrase “The buck stops … with my deputy chief of staff and untitled aide.”

 “The Ghost Of Tom Joad”

Springsteen’s revamped version of his same 1995 song about the same workers-rights hero from The Grapes Of Wrath just seems lazy. Which actually sounds like a plug for Christie! Labor unions are lazy! Point, Bully.

 “Dream Baby Dream”

We know Christie’s dream, (the White House). And we know who could make it a nightmare (further evidence that the Gov knew more about this Fort Lee debacle than he’s admitted). So what is Bruce trying to say here? Is the noted democrat even taking a side? Truly Springsteen is the Sweden of rock. (No offense, ABBA.)