The Royalist

05.29.14

Kate Middleton's History of Flesh-Flashing Wardrobe Malfunctions

Kate's failure to adapt her dresses for the rigors of public life only hurts herself.

While debate continues to rage across the internet (and across The Daily Beast, where one writer is demanding “laws against this kind of thing”) as to whether a hem weight-less and slip-less Kate Middleton is to blame for bumgate, or whether it’s the filthy press who should be ashamed of themselves for publishing a picture of a young lady’s ass when the wind from a helicopter blew up her skirts on an official engagement, there is no denying that this is not the first time Kate has inadvertently flashed the flesh while on duty.

As recent photos show, Kate has a blithe spirit and seems unconcerned that her skirts have blown up revealingly in public on at least six occasions in the three years she has been Queen-in-waiting.

Tessa Miller: Don’t Tell Me How to Cover My Butt

The long red dress that she wore to step off the plane at Wellington airport, on the first day of the Australasian tour, was perhaps a sign of things to come as it blew up in the runway wind, perilously revealing Kate’s toned upper thighs.

During her 2011 tour of Canada, a skimpy yellow frock flew skywards on a Calgary airfield.

She was filmed desperately trying to hold her skirts down when she changed planes at Brisbane airport in September 2012.

One spotty high street dress blew up on her twice—once at the Harry Potter studios and once at a friend’s wedding.

Her last official engagement before she gave birth to baby George was marred by her skirts blowing up and flashing her underwear.

Need I go on?

Oh, OK, her first post-natal engagement, at a volleyball club, was dominated by photos of her top riding up her chest.

In November last year her Orla Kiely skirt blew up in the wind when she visited a charity function in London.

I think that’ll do, for now.

A royal tour which should have been remembered for posterity by the first appearances of Prince George will now be remembered for a posterior.

Kate's patronage of the High Street is undoubtedly partly to blame. Such products are not suited for the rigours of public life, and need to be adapted, at the very least by sewing in hem weights. Not doing that meant that this disaster was just waiting to happen.

What’s that? It’s not a big deal for a woman’s skirts to blow up in the wind? Well, no, it isn’t. It doesn’t affect anyone else—except Kate.

And that’s the point. The only person this entirely unneccesary kerfuffle harms is Kate Middleton herself. It is extremely damaging to her image, and to her work. Why? Because it’s a huge distraction.

That picture has now become the image by which the whole Australasian tour will be remembered. One snap and a month’s hard slog is, if not undone, very much compromised.

A royal tour which should have been remembered for posterity by the delightful first appearances of Prince George will now be remembered for a posterior.

The, “Relax, it’s only a butt, we all have one,” argument sounds good in theory but, when you are the most photographed woman in the world, and a royal, it works hopelessly in practice.

So, Kate, it’s time to sort this little problem out.

No buts.