Knees and Needs

Saturday Is ‘Steak and BJ Day’

Since Valentine’s Day is a holiday created for women, the organizers of Steak and BJ Day say they have organized a day for men centered around—well, the clue’s in the title.

03.13.15 9:15 AM ET

More than Christmas, St. Patrick’s Day, and the Super Bowl combined, March 14 is awaited with more excitement, glee, and joy by the men who have convinced the women in their lives that it is Steak and BJ Day.

Falling exactly one month after Valentine’s Day, Steak and BJ Day is exactly what it sounds like: a day where a man enjoys chewing porterhouse and getting sucked off. It’s a shame Steak and BJ Day didn’t exist in ancient Rome. Before the Ides of March Julius Caesar could have gone out on a high note of juicy meat and great head.

With websites and Facebook groups devoted to it, Steak and BJ Day may just well be the latest, favorite made-up holiday. While March 14 is also Pi Day—a celebration of the mathematical value of π, 3.14, that is filled with lots of pie (get it?)—even the most devoted and dessert-loving male math geeks probably wouldn’t mind if Steak and BJ Day proceeded to steal their holiday’s thunder.

In all seriousness—or as serious as one can be about a holiday based on deep-throat and porterhouse—the origins of Steak and BJ Day aren’t totally clear. Its sexual creativity and subtlety suggest a 16-year-old boy invented it.

However, the credit tends to go to radio disc jockey Tom Birdsey, who apparently created the holiday on air in 2002, though an email from SteakandBJ.org—one of the multiple sites devoted to promoting festivities—said the holiday also may have begun in the mid-1990s.

But why do men need Steak and BJ Day? Here’s the way a spokesman at SteakandBJ.org explained the holiday when I emailed them.

“Since Valentine’s Day is basically a holiday created by greeting card companies for women, that day should be focused on women,” the spokesman wrote. “To be fair, there should be a special day for men. Since men do not want to receive teddy bears and roses, the question became, ‘What do men enjoy?’

“Men stereotypically love steak, and not to sound crass, blowjobs. From there, the holiday Steak and BJ Day was created. Women do not have to buy presents. Women only have to give their significant other two things in order to celebrate the holiday: a steak and a blowjob.”

The men at SteakandBJ.org are right that Valentine’s Day has become a commercially-manipulated holiday, but Steak and BJ Day already offers enough merchandise to suggest that Hallmark will probably start producing cards with sentimental references to ribeye and jizz within a couple of years. Oh, wait, a line of Steak and BJ Day greeting cards already exists for men who like some touching words with their oral.

Besides, the increasing commercialism of the Steak and BJ Day is secondary to its unwitting, depressing sexism. Let’s assume Valentine’s Day is in fact, as Steak and BJ men contend, exclusively devoted to women, and that the men in their lives have paid them a modicum of respect with roses and eye contact.

Why are flowers and chocolate supposed to suffice? It’s pretty narrow to assume women prefer carnations and candy to cunnilingus. For that matter, if men enjoy blowjobs—an assumption I am more than willing to make—why should they only expect the sexual act as a special treat once a year?

Steak and BJ Day is based on the trope that women crave chaste romantic gestures on Valentine’s Day—gestures men must perform if they want to persuade women into having sex. It’s a wildly antiquated notion that puts limits on male and female sexuality. Also, pro-tip for any guy or gal looking to get some: making sex into an obligation ain’t gonna help your relationship in the long term.

But hey, don’t let me suck the fun out of Steak and BJ Day for you.