He Paints Celebs With His Penis
As death tolls mounted during the Iraq war, it wasn’t hard to find critics who thought George W. Bush and Tony Blair were two pricks. But someone who gave the world leaders the full prick treatment—by actually painting their likenesses via the penis? That’s a find.
But that is exactly what artist Tim Patch did when creating his remarkable lifelike portraits. He paints with his penis and other body parts more often found inside his boxer shorts, when he’s not at work. It’s why Tim Patch is otherwise known as Pricasso.
These works are not so much a statement on the state of politics but rather a unique painting process that the artist has developed.
“Firstly, I grab my penis and testicles and plunge the whole lot into a pot of paint,” Patch tells The Daily Beast. “The combination of balls and dick holds lots of paint, so then I just scrub them all over the canvas, which I hold in one hand until the canvas is sufficiently covered.”
That first plunge is only the start, says Patch.
“I then place it [his penis] behind me, and using my butt cheeks, I smooth out the paint covering the area where the face is to be painted. Then bringing the canvas back to my front, I hold my penis and dip its head into the paint,” he explains. “Using it like a brush, I start to rough out the features, eyes nose mouth.”
Then there’s the pièce de résistance to complete the penis-made masterpieces.
“When I have finished the painting, I paint the edges using my bum crack and then sign it with a brush inserted into the eye of my penis like a catheter,” he says. “This usually gets a bit of a reaction.”
We can only imagine.
He ultimately studied furniture design, but he did not begin whipping out his willy for the sake of art until he was inspired by the show Puppetry of the Penis.
However, Patch’s fascination with a certain part of his anatomy started long before he actually started putting pen to paper—or penis to canvas, to be more accurate.
“I have always had an interest in penises from an early age, looking at art books and National Geographic magazines,” he says. No small part of his youth was spent “touching and comparing mine with a special friend long, long ago.”
Though Patch is quite open today—not only in terms of his nudity, but also his frank talk—he wasn’t always so comfortable.
“I was shy and a late developer,” he recalls of his days at Oak Preparatory in Chichester, England, and then Bembridge School on the Isle of Wight. “I was the smallest boy in the school with blue eyes and very blond hair.”
Patch says he earned amorous attention from some of his male classmates, which ultimately backfired. “I constantly got love letters from lots of senior boys, which I kept, but they were found by one of the masters and lots of boys got into trouble. I was bullied a lot after that for a while,” he says.
Despite being ostracized, Patch felt comfortable exploring sexual encounters with men and women.
“I do remember having all the normal sexual experiments boys have when locked up in an all-male environment, maybe more than most. As soon as I left school, I discovered girls. It took a while until I lost my virginity, and when it did eventually happen, I can remember thinking, ‘It’s not really much different, doing it with girls or boys,’” he remembers.
Although he’s twice divorced, Patch believes marriage to a woman was a good move for him. “It’s just as well I found a steady girlfriend and got married. I could have been a real slut as a gay guy, and, undoubtedly, I would have got a fatal disease back then.”
In fact, Patch goes so far as to say that “marriage saved my life”—even when it didn’t last.
Patch cultivated a varied career spanning everything from furniture design to a stint making pottery with crocodile handles. In the grand scheme of his artistic exploration, he expected painting with his penis to be a one-off.
“I really started it just as a party trick that I could do now and then,” he says. “I did it once and then got heaps of requests so I persevered until Sexpo heard about me and I have been hired ever since.”
Last month he completed his latest stint at a Sexpo, the traveling sexual trade show, in Brisbane, Australia—the country in which the Englishman now resides.
Patch’s penis painting is as much about the performance as the final product. Even when he paints in private in his home studio in a Gaudi-style home in Australia’s Gold Coast mountains, he creates a video to go with his painting to demonstrate the process.
Still, Patch sees himself first and foremost as an artist.
“One man informed me my painting was next to a Warhol, so maybe I have been hung in hallowed company,” he says.
In addition to performing in Europe, wherein Patch says there are the fewest barriers to his nude performance, he has done multiple Pricasso-related visits to the U.S. and China. However, these voyages have not occurred without hardships.
“There are limited places that I can perform, as a lot of venues have a no-nudity policy. Nearly everywhere in America has such rules,” he explains. “I do it in Macau, China, but I had to perform in front of a Communist committee first.”
In addition to the logistical acrobatics—let alone the physical—Patch says his style of painting poses unique challenges to fulfilling his artistic vision.
“The visual perceptive is very deceiving, being right down by your genitals and close in, making a lot of guesswork necessary,” says Patch.
Still, the difficulty of Pricasso’s approach has its advantages.
“It is a lot harder than drawing, which is probably why I don’t have any real competition,” he says.
Although the lack of competition in the field of penis portraiture may also have to do with other artists’ susceptibility to stage fright, this is a non-issue for Patch, he says.
“When I’m performing, it just seems natural now to be holding my dick in front of hundreds of people who are all looking at it,” he says.
And while finishing fast is shunned in other penis-related activities, Patch works hard to complete his portraits in 15 minutes or less.
”Any longer and people get bored and wander off,” he says.
It’s a tough balance for Patch, though. While he must paint fast, he also needs to “sustain” himself long into the night. To achieve that, he doesn’t mind turning to some medical help at this stage in life.
“I am getting older, and when I paint at swingers clubs now, I do take a pill so I can last the night,” he said. “I sometimes paint until the early hours, and the girls like to wash me and pump it up a bit just for a laugh and a photo, so it has to perform.”
Patch also takes other penile precautions. He has a special technique for keeping his paintbrush safe, especially after marathon painting sessions, like at Sexpo.
“I do get tired and sore painting for 13 hours a day for four days. It does get really tender and stings a lot, so I do wrap my penis and testicles up at night,” he says.
In fact the steps to properly care for his penis are nearly as elaborate as the painting process.
“Firstly, I put on an antiseptic numbing cream and then wrap the whole lot up in kitchen wrap using the balls as an anchor so it stays on all night,” he explains.
“In the morning, it bursts its way thought the wrapping—you know what penises are like in the morning (Editor’s Note: Yes, we know)—fully recovered and hold able again.”
By all accounts, his penis is doing well, both inside the bedroom and on the canvas.
“I have painted with it for 12 years now, and it seems just the same,” he says of his paintbrush’s functioning in non-work capacities. “All the people I have sex with now are well aware of what I do. It works much the same.”
Not that Patch has the time or energy for a steady relationship.
He spends a lot of alone time in his studio and he derives immense satisfaction from his artwork, if you get his drift.
“I find relationships hard work and time consuming, and I am quite ‘self satisfied,’” Patch says. “I spend most days naked painting with an erect penis, which I have to keep hard by masturbating in front of a video camera.”
Of course, Patch adds, it is “all for the sake of art.”