Samantha Bee Takes on ‘Obstructionist’ GOP Over Scalia Delay
In the second episode of Full Frontal, the host tore into Republicans for their calls for a delay in nominating the late Supreme Court justice’s successor.
“Holy shit balls, this week is bananas.”
Samantha Bee opened the second week of her new late-night show, Full Frontal, in full-on crisis mode following the death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia over the weekend. “Constitutional crisis! All hands on deck! Oh my God! What happens now?” she shouted as sirens blared in the background.
After calming herself with a copy of the Constitution, Bee said, “Oh my gosh, it's fine. According to Article 2, the president just appoints a new one.” Of course, as Republicans have taught us over the last two days, it’s not that simple.
“What better way to honor America’s greatest champion of original intent than by wiping your obstructionist ass on the very document he holds so dear?” Bee asked of Mitch McConnell’s vows to prevent a vote on an any nominee put forward by President Obama. “No one loved the Constitution more than Scalia,” she continued. “He would have married it if he could. Then he would have struck down that marriage because marriage is between a man and a woman.”
Tossing the Constitution aside, Bee said, “OK, fine, fuck this stupid thing. Let's just have a Supreme Court vacancy for a year because some chinless dildo wants a justice who will use his gavel to plug up your abortion hole.”
After tearing apart the so-called Thurmond rule, Bee decided to step back and remind viewers that a man has actually died, even finding some nice things to say about the late justice. But she had nothing positive to say about the GOP candidates “waiting until his body was almost cold” to politicize his death during Saturday night’s debate in South Carolina.
Bee was shocked to hear Donald Trump say something positive about “women’s health” during a fight about Planned Parenthood. “The last time he referenced women’s health, he was talking about the torrent of menstrual blood that shoots out of our wherevers like dragon fire,” she said. “Listen up, Creamsicle, we had a deal. You open your face-hole, garbage spills out. I make jokes, I get to keep my comedy job. You’re not allowed to make sense.”
Even more troubling was Trump’s assertion that George W. Bush lied about WMD to start the war in Iraq. “Oh my God! I agree with Donald Trump!” Bee said. “I’m ruined! They’re going to take my comedy show away!”