Is Ozzy Osbourne the person you want to be taking health advice from? Though he’s not exactly a picture of health after 40 years of sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll, the former Black Sabbath frontman is now writing a health column for the Sunday Times of London—under the name Dr. Ozzy. “By all accounts I’m a medical miracle,” he admits in his debut. “At one point I was knocking back four bottles of cognac a day, blacking out, coming to again, and carrying on. While filming The Osbournes I was also shoving 42 types of prescription medication down my neck, morning, noon and night — and that was before all the dope I was smoking in my “safe” room, away from the cameras.” Plus, he’s been treated for rabies (after eating a bat), had a false-positive HIV test, and been declared clinically dead twice. Surely, this won’t be take-two-aspirins-and-call-me-in-the-morning stuff.