DIRTY DOCTOR

Ben Carson Leaves Iowa to Do Laundry

Randall Hill/Reuters

The reports of the Ben Carson campaign's death are greatly exaggerated. After the Republican candidate mysteriously exited Iowa on Monday despite the ongoing caucuses in the state, his business manager Armstrong Williams explained to the media that he was simply returning home to Florida for some relaxation and do laundry. "After spending 18 consecutive days on the campaign trail, Dr. Carson needs to go home and get a fresh set of clothes," the campaign explained in a statement.