Paula Abdul, American Idol’s Good Cop to Simon Cowell’s very, very Bad Cop, won’t be returning for the hit show’s ninth season. Watch some of her craziest moments, from tortured metaphors to tortuous dance routines, to see what you’ll be missing when Idol returns next January.

Paula Gazes Into Crystal Ball, Crystal Ball Gazes Back

A good judge reserves judgment until a performance has concluded, but a great judge doesn’t even wait for it to start. In a reality-TV moment with a whiff of conspiracy, Paula told dreadlocked Season 8 finalist Jason Castro that his second number lacked his usual charm…before he had even performed it. Paula later explained that she was confused and had read her notes from the dress rehearsal. Oh, Paula.

Legally, We Can’t Outright Say Paula Was Drunk. That Being Said…

A loopier-than-usual Paula appeared on Seattle’s Fox affiliate in January 2007. Barely able to sit up straight or string together a coherent sentence, she sparked concerns about her well-being—and widespread Schadenfreude.

Paula Attempts Metaphor, Baffles America

In her response to Season 7 contestant Danny Noriega’s performance of “Jailhouse Rock,” Paula got deep, man. Who needs pitch when your voice “goes in and out” of “beautiful colors”? In an attempt to explain herself, she clarified: “There’s going to be a lot of colors of Danny coming out.” Groovy!

Tears of a Clown

While most of Paula’s meltdowns were subtle or sleepy, her short-lived 2007 reality show, Hey Paula, featured the star letting it all out. There’s no way around it—this is just sad.

Crazy Is as Crazy Does

Over the years, Paula saw many loonies walk through the audition room door—but none inspired her to pull on her boogie shoes quite like this creepy “songwriter.” Paula’s spirited move-busting, improbably enough, managed to upstage a dude in a fur-and-silver-lamé cape and pimp hat.

I Am Cougar, Hear Me Lip-Sync

Feeling emboldened by her pas de eew with Cape Dude, Paula brought her act to Idol’s main stage in Season 8—and secured her place among Hollywood’s most cringe-worthy cougars. A scantily clad Paula danced suggestively with a harem of men, singing “I really didn’t mean to turn you on.” Don’t worry, Paula, you didn’t.

Simon Cowell, You Are No MC Scat Cat

Indulging the erotic fantasies of absolutely no one ever, Paula and Simon filmed this steamy spoof during Idol’s second season. Sometimes, opposites don’t attract.

The Un-Decider

After six seasons of judging Idol, you’d think Paula would have honed her, well, judgment. Apparently, though, the kind-hearted talent scout just couldn’t bring herself to actually choose America’s most talented. Which is fine, since judging isn’t in her job description. Oh, wait….