Politics

01.05.14

Fringe Factor: 7 Easy Steps to Jailing Obama

It’s 2014, but birthers are still a thing, Republicans are less convinced by Darwin than ever, and ‘Glee’ has corrupted America’s youth. Happy New Year from the Fringe.

7 Easy Steps to Jailing Obama

We may be entering President Obama’s sixth year as president, but there is still a swath of the population that believes he is not a natural-born U.S. citizen and a large portion of the U.S. House of Representatives that believes it could impeach Obama on those and other grounds. While the Democratic-led U.S. Senate stands ready to foil any impeachment attempt, Lord Christopher Monckton has a foolproof plan to lock up not only Obama but any public official who believes Obama is qualified for the presidency. Step 1: “Stop being panty-waists,” writes the World Net Daily columnist and adviser to former British prime minister Margaret Thatcher. In other words, members of Congress should quit fretting about what the left will say about them and band together to move forward with a congressional inquiry “into the self-evidently bogus ‘birth certificate’ that festers to this day on the white house website.” Step 2: Call the attorney general of Hawaii, the head of the Secret Service, and the head of the FBI, and “ask them why they did not act when they were telephoned and written to by concerned U.S. citizens.” Step 2: The “GOP caucus should get its wobbly bottom down to Phoenix and get itself up to speed on the investigation,” led by Sheriff Joe Arpaio. Step 4: Draft a bill to remove every statute signed by Obama because they are all invalid. Step 5: Don’t expect Obama to be arrested while he’s still in office, but as soon as his term ends, “various agencies will belatedly scramble to start doing the job they should be doing now, in the vain hope of evading prosecution for acting as accessories after the fact of forgery.” Step 5: “Give private citizens the right to bring prosecutions without the consent of the states’ attorneys general,” Monckton writes. “Let the heads roll, right across federal and state governments. Fill the jails.” And finally, Step 7: “If you think all of the foregoing is mad, just watch and learn.”

Republicans Aren’t Convinced About Evolution

A third of adult Americans do not believe in evolution, according to a new poll from the Pew Research Center. How exactly humans came to be is becoming an increasingly more partisan issue, with Republicans now more skeptical about evolution than ever. The poll found that the percentage of Republicans who believe in the theory of evolution has dropped from 54 percent to 43 percent over the last four years. We’ve seen evidence of the trend with the number of state school bards that have attempted to stop teaching evolution in public schools—or, as in Texas, suggested that textbooks should offer students a creationist alternative to evolution. Bryan Fischer, spokesman for the American Family Association and Fringe Factor regular, emphasized this attitude on his Christian radio show Thursday, ringing in the new year with the declaration that anyone who believes in evolution should be disqualified from holding political office. It’s not that there should necessarily be a law banning people from holding office if they think humans evolved into their current form over time, he said. But the “American people shouldn’t vote for them because that guy, if he does not believe that we are all created beings and that our rights come to us from God, that man cannot be trusted to protect your civil rights,” he explained.

Texas Senate Race: Whoever Loves Guns More Wins

How can underdog Rep. Steve Stockman get a leg up in Texas’s Republican Senate primary? Prove he’s more pro-gun rights than his NRA-endorsed opponent, Sen. John Cornyn. In an effort to do just that, Stockman tweeted a photo of a gun and spray can labeled “Liberal Tears” with the message “The best gun lubricant around.” Though Cornyn has already won the approval of the NRA, Stockman boasts the endorsement of Gun Owners of America, a hard-line Second Amendment advocacy group that has criticized the NRA for compromising on gun rights issues.

Utah Ready to Spend $2 Million to Defend Gay Marriage Ban

A Utah judge’s declaration last month that the state’s same-sex marriage ban was unconstitutional was a major milestone for LGBT rights. But Utah’s anti-gay marriage lawmakers won’t take this milestone lying down. The state’s incoming attorney general has announced that he plans to pay outside counsel $2 million to defend Utah’s marriage laws.

‘Glee’ Has Corrupted America’s Youth

Americans have turned against God, and we have Glee to blame. Peter LaBarbera of Americans for Truth About Homosexuality, a nonprofit whose name pretty much says it all, took to the American Family Association’s radio show to defend Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson and complain about how shows like Glee and other positive depictions of homosexual relationships have corroded the minds of America’s youth. “In [Robertson’s] generation, I think he’s 67, it was just taken for granted that homosexuality was wrong, an abomination, something terrible, awful,” LaBarbera said, longing for the good old days when such views were acceptable and mainstream. “But look at where we are now. You have programs like Glee, where you have young men with romantic kisses on TV. I just learned that the Rose Bowl parade is going to have a homosexual so-called marriage float. All of those little kids are going to be seeing two men or two women or whatever it is getting married, so-called, and it’s going to infect their minds and corrupt those young minds.”