It’s the morning after the 71st annual Golden Globes, and all of Hollywood’s brightest luminaries are waking up to painful hangovers, and, we imagine, crippling self-doubt. Was that dress the right color? Was my acceptance speech articulate? Do I really have to start watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine? Luckily the Internet has an answer to each and every one of these questions. From tweeting about Diane Keaton’s a cappella debut to creating DIY Jennifer Lawrence inspired duvet dresses, the World Wide Web’s reactions have raised certain scandals and highlights from last night to legendary status. Because while every awards ceremony, despite Jacqueline Bisset’s best efforts, must come to an end, an evening’s worth of GIF’s can last a lifetime.
Much like Hermione Granger with a Time-Turner, it seems like Emma Watson really can do it all. The beloved Harry Potter heroine rocked Dior with a twist last night, sporting a red gown cut to reveal dark tailored trousers. Watson’s ensemble has been trending on Google all day. The trendy dress-and-pant duo is truly business in the front and party in the back; in this case, the phrase “classy mullet” might actually be applicable.
Emma Watson's dress is confusing and awesome. Like "oh yeah I'm wearing a classy dress... Jk I'm wearing pants too" pic.twitter.com/wRFaE3EeWm— Shelby McElwain (@shelbymc01) January 13, 2014
J.Law’s Frumpy Frock
Last night Jennifer Lawrence took home a best supporting actress award for her role as a suburban seductress in American Hustle. While playing this more mature role, it appears that Lawrence developed a predilection for all things boudoir. The Dior dress Lawrence donned at the Globes bears a strong resemblance to a duvet cover accented with black tape. The dress looks like it belongs in the Derelicte bridal collection, not on the red carpet. Fittingly, the backlash to J-Law’s frumpy frock has combined two of the Internet’s greatest strengths: catty sartorial commentaries and helpful DIY guides. (See here.)
Twitter and Instagram have been inundated by creative takes on Lawrence’s Dior duvet dress. And obviously, because this is the Internet, cats quickly got involved. The first Instagram user to caption one of these feline fashion statements with some sort of “Catniss” quip officially wins the Internet.
Girls Scouts <3 Woody (Sort Of)
The Golden Globes tribute to Woody Allen, despite being only minutes long, produced more laughs than the entirety of Blue Jasmine. Diane Keaton’s remarks on behalf of her longtime friend and collaborator included both heartfelt compliments and rampant cursing. Clearly an apprentice at the Jacqueline Bisset school of speechmaking, Keaton finished her presentation with a strange rendition of the Girl Scout song “Make New Friends,” an ode to girlish friendship.
Definitely an interesting choice, given Woody’s nasty habit of engaging in allegedly inappropriate relationships with younger women. While the Girl Scouts were pleased with the free publicity, other Twitter reactions to the long-winded tribute were notably less favorable.
Ronan Farrow’s tweet, which alleged that his own (maybe) father is (probably) a pedophile, launched its own mini-scandal. Mia Farrow retweeted her son’s accusation, and simultaneously told all of Twitterland that in lieu of watching her ex’s tribute, she would be tuning in to the season three premiere of Girls. Given her penchant for social media scandals, OMFG moments, and Lena Dunham, Mia Farrow is practically a millennial.
Missed the Woody Allen tribute - did they put the part where a woman publicly confirmed he molested her at age 7 before or after Annie Hall?— Ronan Farrow (@RonanFarrow) January 13, 2014
Jacqueline Bisset easily beat out her competition in the most memorable speech of the evening category; in comparison, Matthew McConaughey seemed normal and Cate Blanchett looked sober. Bisset took home a Golden Globe for best supporting actress in a series, TV movie, or miniseries. But more importantly, Bisset’s acceptance speech earned the 69-year-old actress legions of new fans, as well as a revised second sentence of her Wikipedia page.
The English actress’s rambling soliloquy makes more sense as an outtake from the Wolf of Wall Street quaaludes scene than as a Golden Globes acceptance speech. Rather than trying to craft your own Bisset barbs, you can just impress your friends with these Twitter zingers. Thanks, Internet!
I helped write Jacqueline Bisset's speech. Did you like it?— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) January 13, 2014
"That was a really bad speech" - Merritt Wever watching Jacqueline Bisset— billy eichner (@billyeichner) January 13, 2014
I want to meet Jacqueline Bisset's pharmacist. #GoldenGlobes— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) January 13, 2014
Jacqueline Bisset: My mother once punched a cantaloupe in the potato. Me: I just asked if you knew where the bathroom was.— Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) January 13, 2014