10 Summer Schlockbusters!
Transformers was pulverized by critics, but is cleaning up at the box office. The Daily Beast ranks the highest grossing god-awful movies of all time.
Jaimie Trueblood / Paramount Pictures
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel Director: Michael Bay Release Date: June 2009
“A pile of glittering junk!” —Joe Morgenstern, The Wall Street Journal
“An impossibly, incomprehensibly overlong and cacophonous bore!”—Peter Rainer, Christian Science Monitor
Box office:Domestic (to date): $201.2 million International (to date): $190.3 million
Terminator 4: Salvation
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Starring: Christian Bale, Helena Bonham Carter Director: McG Release Date: May 2009
“It's brainless, it's soulless, and it gave me a headache!” —Chris Tookey, The Daily Mail
“A shambolic, deafening, intelligence-insulting mess!”—Tom Huddleston, Time Out London
“A mindless farrago of collisions and explosions!”—Evan Williams, The Australian.
Box Office:Domestic: $121.9 million International: $220.0 million
Angels & Demons
Starring: Tom Hanks, Ewan McGregor Director: Ron Howard Release Date: May 2009
“Catholic torture porn!” —Bob Grimm, The Tucson Weekly.
“A plodding, exhausting adventure!” —Jeffrey K. Lyles, The Maryland Gazette
Box Office:Domestic: $130.2 million International: $337.5 million
Fast & Furious 4
Starring: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster, Michelle Rodriguez Director: Justin Lin Release Date: April 2009
“Jerkily edited car porn!” —Alistair Harkness, The Scotsman
“Feels like at least four hours!” —Lou Lumenick, The New York Post
Box Office:Domestic: $155 million International: $193.9 million
The Passion of the Christ
Starring: Jim Caviezel Director: Mel Gibson Release Date: February 2004
“A primitive and pornographic bloodbath!” —Johnathan Rosenbaum, The Chicago Reader.
“A compendium of tortures that would horrify the regulars at an S&M club!” —Jami Bernard, The New York Daily News
“A grimly unilluminating procession of treachery, beatings, blood, and agony!” —David Denby, The New Yorker.
Box Office:Domestic: $370.3 million International: $240 million
Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man’s Chest
Starring: Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Jack Davenport, Bill Nighy Director: Gore Verbinski Release Date: July 2006
“All the appeal of a seaweed sandwich!” —Anthony Lane, The New Yorker
“The very definition of water torture!” —Brandon Fibbs, BrandonFibbs.com
Box Office:Domestic: $423.3 million International: $642 million
Pearl Harbor
Starring: Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett, Kate Beckinsale, Cuba Gooding Jr., Jon Voight, Alec Baldwin Director: Michael Bay Release Date: May 2001
“Bore-a, Bore-a, Bore-a!” —Desson Howe, Washington Post.
“Littered with low points!” —Joe Morgenstern, The Wall Street Journal.
Box Office:Domestic: $198.5 million International: $251.5 million
Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace
Starring: Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman Director: George Lucas Release Date: May 19, 1999
“So incoherent, so completely bereft of a grand adventure's surging thrills!” —Charles Taylor, Salon.
“The biggest letdown since the Clinton presidency!” —Andrew Essex, CitySearch.
Box Office:Domestic: $431.1 million International: $492 million
Night at the Museum
Starring: Ben Stiller, Carla Gugino, Dick Van Dyke, Mickey Rooney, Ricky Gervais Director: Shawn Levy Release Date: December 22, 2006
“Fun for the whole family? Probably not!” —Jeff Pevere, Toronto Star.
“All the warmth of an Ice Age fossil!” —Thomas Delapa, Boulder Weekly
Box Office:Domestic: $250.9 million International: $322.8 million
Sex and the City: The Movie
Starring: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon, Chris Noth, Candice Bergen, Jennifer Hudson Director: Michael Patrick King Release Date: May 2008
“The crack of rock-bottom giving way to a whole deeper layer of magma! —Rick Groen, The Globe and Mail
“Made me laugh out loud precisely once!” —Anthony Lane, The New Yorker
Box Office:Domestic: $152.6 million International: $257.4 million
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