The comedian Bill Maher is, of course, no fan of Donald Trump.
Over the course of the election season, he’s branded the former reality show host “sexist” for his gross history of misogyny, the “voice of treason” for urging Russia to hack Hillary Clinton, and even jokingly compared his children to “Nazis.”
So it comes as very little surprise that on Friday’s edition of his HBO series Real Time, the political satirist basked in the afterglow of the Republican candidate’s embarrassing loss to Hillary in the first big presidential debate—and also mocked the man-child’s litany of excuses for why he performed so poorly, as well as his post-debate tirade against a former beauty queen, Alicia Machado, that he’d fat-shamed in the past.
“Welcome to another week of yes, this is really happening,” said Maher during the monologue. “I don’t know if you saw what happened this morning but Donald Trump, a 70-year-old man and father of five, went apeshit on Twitter between 3:20 a.m. and 5:30 a.m. in the morning slut-shaming Miss Universe 1996.”
Yes, after being baited by Hillary Clinton during the debate with his own disgusting comments directed towards Machado (Trump referred to her “Miss Piggy” and “Miss Housekeeping” after she put on a bit of weight), at 5:30 a.m. Friday morning—several days after the debate—Trump tweeted the following about Machado, urging the American voting public to “check out” her “sex tape”:
Machado does not have a sex tape. She has, as many internet sleuths have pointed out, been confused with a popular porn star by the name of Angel Dark. Or maybe Trump was referring to Machado’s caught-on-camera romp on a reality show that was decidedly PG-13 (given his Infowars fandom, it was most likely the former).“Yes, Donald Trump, major party nominee who wants to be the President of the United States, is urging the American public to check out a sex tape that doesn’t exist from a Venezuelan reality show!” exclaimed Maher. “Republicans out there: thank you so much for this. Thank you so much. You must be so fucking proud that your candidate takes a concrete position on something, and it’s: no fat chicks.”
Maher then teed off on Trump’s demeanor during the debate, constantly sniffing and guzzling water by the cupful, as well as his excuses for losing after. His comments seemed to echo Howard Dean’s tweet the night of the debate jokingly referring to Trump as a “coke user.”
“And even though all the polls say that Hillary won the debate, aw, [Trump] won!” said Maher. “And if he didn’t win, totally not his fault! The moderator asked the wrong questions, he had a bad microphone, the whole system is rigged, she had the questions beforehand, the sun was in my eyes, the coke wore off!” “Hillary got a big bump after the debate, and Trump looked like he did a big bump before the debate,” added Maher. “I mean, I’m hearing! I don’t know it for a fact, I hope it’s not true, a lot of people are saying it! A lot of people are saying it, that’s all I know. I hope it’s not true. He was sniffing a lot. It’s either that or he’s allergic to facts.”
Later on in the program, during his “New Rules” segment, Maher went off on Trump’s clownish surrogates, guessing what positions these national embarrassments might assume within The Orange One’s presidential administration. These include: Pastor Mark Burns, who admitted to cooking up a fake resume; 9/11 truther Katrina Pierson, aka Trump’s national spokesman; and Trump Organization lawyer Michael “Says Who?” Cohen, who believes “you cannot rape your spouse.”
“In fact, [Cohen’s] the head lawyer at the Trump Organization. So we know he’s awfully busy with lawsuits—like the one that Trump filed against me in 2013,” said Maher. “Remember that lawsuit? OK, a lot of people remember that as a defamation suit. It wasn’t! He was suing me to collect five million dollars because I offered that to him if he could prove that his mother didn’t in fact fuck an ape!” “So, he went into court. This happened! He went into court and produced his birth certificate as if it was going to say ‘orangutan’ on it. Yes, I made Donald Trump produce his birth certificate, and I’m very proud of that… very proud of that!”
Donald Trump: the self-described “anti-PC candidate” who can’t take a goddamn joke.