STREAM OF CONSCIOUS

Canceled Colbert Rips on Paramount With Stream of Pee Jokes

The Late Show host got scatological as he ripped into the network for cancelling his show.

Stephen Colbert emptied his bladder all over Paramount with a stream of pee-related jokes, tearing into the network for cancelling his show and bowing to President Donald Trump to get an $8.6 billion merger with Skydance Media approved.

Reacting with a spit-take to news that the Paramount-Skydance merger had been approved by the FCC following the cancellation of his show, Colbert quipped, “I’m cancelled!? What!? And I’m being told I already knew that, but I spent the weekend huffing airport glue.”

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Composing himself, he added, “I’m thrilled for everyone at Paramount that the deal went through and very excited for our newly announced official combined Paramount-SkyDance stock ticker name, which will go from ‘PARA’ to ‘PSKY.

“Soon, PSKY will blast hot streaming content right in your face with hits like Yellowstone, Yellowjackets, and the full variety of water sports. I predict PSKY will become synonymous with number one. PSKY: a pitcher of warm entertainment."

Colbert on Monday also took aim at Trump’s ongoing attacks on media, which has seen him defund PBS and NPR, sue the Wall Street Journal, and seek a $16 million settlement from CBS News, which the star previously described as “a big fat bribe” to get the merger approved.

Reacting to a Truth Social post made by the president in which he derided NBC and “Fake News ABC” and suggested their licenses could be revoked, Colbert said, “First it was CBS, now he’s going after ABC and NBC. To which I say: Come on in, Jimmy [Fallon] and Jimmy [Kimmel]. The water’s warm… because of all the PSKYs.”

Colbert previously declared “the gloves are off” following news of his cancellation last week, telling the president to “go f--- yourself” after he gloated on Truth Social that “I absolutely love that Colbert was fired. His talent was even less than his ratings.”

Elsewhere during the show, the Late Night host took shots at Trump’s attempts to downplay his connections to Jeffery Epstein, which saw him tell a reporter in the U.K. that he “never had the privilege” of going to the sex offender’s infamous private island.

“I’m sorry,” Colbert said. “What? You never had the privilege of going to Epstein’s island? Sadly, I never had the honor of dining with Jeffrey Dahmer.”

The Daily Beast has reached out to Paramount for comment.

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