PAY UP, PENGUINS

CBS Presses Howard Lutnick on Penguin Tariffs: ‘Did You Use AI?’

“The idea is that there are no countries left off,” Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick said.

CBS News host Margaret Brennan took Secretary of Commerce Howard Lutnick to task over Trump’s baffling “Liberation Day” tariffs.

“Why are the Heard and McDonald Islands, which don’t export to the United States and are quite literally inhabited by penguins—why do they face 10% tariffs?” Brennan asked. “Did you use AI to generate this?”

Lutnick laughed off the accusation.

“No!” he said. “The idea is that there are no countries left off.”

BIRD BRAINS

Trump Tariffed Desert Island Penguins Due to Dumb Mistake

Isabel van Brugen

Brennan pressed Lutnick on the inclusion of the Heard and McDonald Islands.

Not only are the islands exclusively inhabited by penguins, but there hasn’t been a recorded visit by a human being in nearly 10 years, making Lutnick’s assertion that any nation would “go through” either island to “basically arbitrage America” feel utterly absurd.

Lutnick said: “Basically, he said, ‘Look, I can’t let any part of the world be a place where China or other countries can ship through them.’ So he ended those loopholes, these ridiculous loopholes.”

“We need the greatness of America to actually be built in America, and he’s tired of being ripped off by the rest of the world,” Lutnick added.

Whether the penguins of the Heard and McDonald Islands plan to announce their own retaliatory tariffs remains to be seen.

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL

‘SNL’ Roasts ‘Insane’ Trump Tariffs With Drunk Driving Joke

Amethyst Martinez

See more of our coverage in your search results.

ADD THE DAILY BEAST ON GOOGLE

Barry LevittFreelance Writer

Got a tip? Send it to The Daily Beast here.