X-FILES

CIA Admits to Secret Area 51

But not UFOs.

Conspiracy theorists can stand a little taller and wear their tinfoil hats with pride today, as the existence of the covert Area 51 has been officially confirmed by the CIA in newly declassified documents obtained by George Washington University. The report documents the development of the secret U-2 spy plane, the history of how the covert area came into existence, and points to the precise location on an Atomic Energy Commission map. Because of the developmental plane's never-before-witnessed operating altitude and the way the silver wings would reflect the sun—seeming to be on fire—the UFO sightings started pouring in to air traffic controllers and the Air Force. The Air Force recorded the reports in their Operation BLUE BOOK, and investigators tried to calm concerned citizens by attributing the sightings to natural phenomena because they could not reveal the true, but classified, cause. Sorry, truthers.